Was messing 'bout in me UFO...like 1 does when suddenly.....Szzwhoo-Zhooow-Shzooowoo....& this hologram 

appeared in front of me eyes with his favourite pet cat named Mog on his lap....

Twas great illustrious leader of Zork...me home planet...& he is know by the title "Commissioner" & he grunted out....erm...i wrote some of it down 4 u c ?erm...think i'd better translate 4 u...

..says....A message from ur Commissioner : eh hum(clears throat)Loyal subjects......Blah blah blah...drone drone 

drone...wow how long he goes on & on,telling how great it is 2 sacrifice urself by giving of urself 4 planet Zork & remembering those who have & how some may never b seen again...?...Phew!At last he says..& it gives me great pleasure 2  announce that u may now celebrate "Commissioner Day"...

Sooooo let the celebrations b-gin,eat,drink & throw up.....Then just as he appeared,he disappeared...suddenly..like...WOW ! oinked I.So they aint 4got me.

Perhaps they r still trying 2 contact me 2 get me home....sob sob sniffle & me chin wobbled...just a bit ...think i heard another voice saying " & may the force b with u ", but whether it was the Commissioner ....or just me...me thoughtful thinking it ?? Not know.

This adventure in poetic form was set 2 me by Imapig2 who plays MFF(Myfreefarm) on the USA server 1,& am sure she wud b delighted 2 c this erm...adventure on me blog :Pictures by Moonpig.

The Bogeyman Pig

My mommy says, you shouldn't go into the forest on your own

At such a young age as you, & you don't even have a phone

It's dark in there & you might meet the..Bogeyman Pig

And what will you do then , as he's so BIG ?

Guess what he eats for his tea ?

Little pink pigs , like you & me,

green ones go down as another treat

and pigs with wings ,he can defeat !

Oh ! No !.... says Ima to her mommy dear,

me & my friends will play right here,

we won't go into the the forest,for fear

we get eaten alive by the ...Bogeyman Pigs leer

As Ima & her friends played hide & seek nearby,

Ima's mom let out a contented 'Sigh ! '

But Ima & her bestest friends soon found

themselves playing near forbidden ground.

& very soon curiosity got the best of them all

as they tip-toed quietly into the forest so Tall

In the distant they heard a funny weird noise ,

like 'rumblings', the working of machinery alloys.

" Hey there ,what's that sound ? " said moonpig surprised.

" Shh ! talk more quietly " APigCanFly rationalized.

Ima said " Do you think it's The Bogeyman Pig ? "

" No,there's no such 'Thing ' says moonpig

" She just made it up,to keep you away

from playing in the forest,I think , wouldn't you say ? "

" Be quiet you two " says APigCanFly " I do insist,

let's get home before we're missed "

" Not just yet,let's get closer & see "

says moony & Ima, jumping for glee

" Get down ! stay quiet or we'll get found out "

replied APigCanFly trying not to shout.

The three little pigs ventured further inside

'til a clearing appeared before their eyes,

they settled down to watch & learn

among the trees & tall forest fern.

Was this some secret work being addressed ?

' maybe something to do with U.F.O's ' moonpig guessed

' Or maybe this is where pig's get their wings '

APigCanFly would say that.. & other things !

Ima was simply amazed by the 'Digger'

They didn't notice a ...Shadowy figure

" Wow ! Look what they're doing " carried on Ima " over there ! "

The three little pigs,they were not aware.

Suddenly from behind came a Big Gruff Voice

" AND WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING HERE ,DID YOU COME BY CHOICE ?

THIS IS PRIVATE LAND , DIDN'T YOU READ THE SIGN

THAT'S A PITY 'CAUSE NOW...YOU'RE.... MINE ! "

"Must be The Bogey Man " they all thought

" g g g got to get out of here,before we are c c c caught "

All three dashed into the undergrowth - slipping

this way & that way they went scamper - ing

avoiding the figure,trying to catch all three,

not wanting to be caught for the Bogeyman Pig's tea

" TRESSPASSING IS NOT ALLOWED "

shouted out the Bogeyman Pig out.. LOUD !

Puffing & Panting he continued to follow

through mud & thicket,down to the hollow

But the Bogeyman Pig was tiring out

& the three little pigs took advantage of this,no doubt.

They all ran off in different ways

to confuse the follower,just like a maze.

"Meet you tomorrow ,in the usual place "

shouted Imapig2,leading the chase.

Imapig2 rested once back at the farm

"Hope the other two have come to no harm.

better not tell mom where we've all been

Or that the Bogeyman Pig ,..we've all seen.

How's zat ! By Imapig2

Karaoke ... part 3 of 3

Karaoke:part 3 of 3

Our turn 2 sing we sing a duet...song came out in loud shrieks! 

Someone said we were murdering the songs...cheek...!

Moonpig shouts out 2 crowd "BUM 2 u all"... and you said "Butt heads" Moonpig nods head in agreement, says "Yeah" & signs with trotters '*$!@*'(unpublishable )2...

We got chucked out of pub & banned 4 a month.

"Consh u b lievesh eet ?!?" says I ...

"Nah!" said me old pink pal... 

"Problem ish theysh dowsh apprreeshate gooshshinging" i adds.

...Making our way home still erm...singing & falling in the gutter we c a pig in a dark blue hat(shud he be wearing that ? as pigs doe wear clothes, says so in me Animal Farm rule book) so we get the last of the pickled onions & even the empty jar & throws 'em at P.C.Plod ( local bobby) & knocks his helmet off.

& 2 our dis-b-leef we get arrested & took 2 the police cells where we ended up loosing butt wind  ;) & stinking the place out.

"Pickled onions always has that effect on me" says u! 

"U dow say" says I...PHERP! (with peg on me snout).

Got released next day & swore we'd never do it again.....eat pickled onions....LOL.

Karaoke ... part 2 of 3

Karaoke:Part 2 of 3

Well i av got good voice listen # (that hash means am singing remember ? Sooo...# Shriek squeal grunt...out of tune a little juz need a bit of practice! Lets take our shopping home & i give u a call on cell phone when i done uz some sandwiches & drink & meet me down by the river k ?

L8r...Bee Burr berp(noise of phone dialing out).."Oh Hi me bestest friend am ready now sew meet u in 10 mins.

Down by the river."

...graunch graunch chobble chomp!...

"Any more of those pickled onions ?" you ask. 

"U always finking 'bout ur stomach!" says i, "we keep some 4 L8r greedy pig !"

 Friend says, "thanks for the compliment, what shall we sing? We gona sing 2gether ? Or shall we sing a duet ? "

"Hmm ? Lez leave it till on the night ,"says i, "if we start 2 walk now...shud b in plenty of time 2 look at the opposition ...fink we got time 4 a couple of beers."

....So there we were sitting on bar stools swigging back the beers & eating pickled onions....as karaoke started we both hissed & booed & threw pickled onions at the competition 2 unease them...chuck! Thwawk(noise of pickled onions hitting the...target)....hehe...some didn't like what we were doing...& when we weren't looking...think they spiked our drinks....2 b cont.

Cockadoodle-doo ... part 5 of 5

Cockadoodle-doo 

 Part 5 of 5

As moonpig tries to hit nail with the hammer...sack sways and... WoooWeeee! Crash! 

Hammer falls and nails fall from mouth coz thats where them r.  "Ouchy! oochy! grunt! squeal! oink!....

"Are you ok ?"says me little pink friend...

"Wot u fink!" says I....i have me trotters poking thru sack and grain stuck b tween trotters (shakes grain out of trotters)...RATTLE RATTLE...Wots that ?"

..& u pick up a small   erm...coloured...erm..thingy...shakes it...RATTLE RATTLE (that rattling noise )....BLOWS IT...and strange crowing noise comes out of it....

"U little beauty." says i.

Me friend blushed modestly...

"We found eet! It's a doodle-doo !...cockerel must of cum up ear 2 club house 2 escape b-ing hen-pecked by hiz numerous wives....

"Yippee," cries me friend, "lets give him his doodle-doo."....

"Yeah," says Moonpig.....problem solved ...seems like i'll b getting up in the mornings on time after all :) .

Then we go to village pub (the cock & hen) 4 a real good pig out...

"What you gona do with that key ?" says u...

I az a feel in me pocket and ouch! (shouldn't of pulled that...hehe )..."This rusty key ...erm....well thats another story." says I.

Soooo we get bladded....pig bladded...HIC!

Cockadoodle-doo ... part 4 of 5

Cockadoodle-doo

    Part 4 of 5

I search in me pocket

(rumage rumage )thats me searchin' me pocket)...& pulled out some plasters and trotters 'em  over 2 my little pink friend (pigs dow av hands) and oinks...

"Mend eet wiv these plasters...Hmm that good job, where else can we look?"

"How about your mayo kitchen" says u

LOOKING SHEEPISHLY

Wow...was impressed coz thats hard 4 a pig 2 do...look like a sheep."Nah! nothin' ear, anyroads fevvers aint allowed thru doors." says I.

 You says "Never mind lets go to the club house and see if we can fix things up a bit."

Moonpig thinks....(    ).."k eet does need the plank put back on i'll fetch me hammer and nails...dont keep every fing in me pocket(wipes snout with back of trotters..SNIFF)....U stay ear wont b long....

"k am back...right how we gona do this u want 2 get on me shoulders friend ?"

"No," you says, "erm why dont you climb on those sacks ?(obviously didnt want 2 get the hammer falling on 1's head)....2 b..cont.

Cockadoodle-doo ... part 3 of 5

Cockadoodle-doo

Part 3

..."Opps sorry."

"That's alright." oinks pink friend holding a bloody snout! "Don't think nothing of it."

"What woz that?" We look to find an old rusty key.

"Seems like eets got sum strange symbols on it ...77IW."reads out Moonpig.

"Hmm..i put it in me pocket."

"Dow worry friend. Just stick ur 'ed b-tween ur knees (have pigs got knees ?)and bleedin' will stop.....K...other than that....ear, stick this cotton wool up ur snout holes."(i keep a lot of erm useful fings in me pocket).

Sooo little while after and bees have gone 4 T...wiv honey az sweetener and sheep av 4got wot they were looking 4 (silly sheep...any 1 4 shepherds pie ? hehe).

 "Here! here! quick look!" says my little pink friend,"iv'e unearthed something with your pitchfork !"

"U can giv them az presents u know on MFF" grunted Moonpig. Prang! went pitchfork and water began 2 spurt out like a fountain...I woz real mad coz u ad punctured me automatic watering system.(screws face up & shakes me trotters in threat)...

Friend says,"Oh-ho! time to go i think, bye"...

"NO U DONT." shouts I grabbing me friend by the ears....2 b cont.

Cockadoodle-doo ... part 2 of 5

COCKADOODLE-DOO

PART 2

"Soooo...bees, sheep, & u my friend rack ur brains!!" oinked Moonpig. The bees looked in the beehives, the sheep looked in the paddock and me and my little pink friend searched the barn....

"Just what are we looking for...i mean can you describe it? said best friend.

I had a think and said "Its kind of small and white or brown...then again cud b orange and makes a rattle...well kinda...& when u blow it...u'll know it!!....got it ?"

"Yeah think so?" says you and mutters something ...like a curse.

"Wonder if eets in a field when he,(the cockerel) woz scratching around?"...So i gets me tractor out and gives friend me pitchfork.

"You start there in muck pile...dont bathe innit u can av a go L8r and i'll start here." grunts Moonpig.

Turns on tractor...splugggg spluggg gggg gggg (tractor springs in2 life).

Up & down I plough, up & down up & down when....Klunck! Boing! Whizz! Smack!...somat flies up & hits me pink friend on snout...

"SQUEAL!" squeals friend.....2 b cont.

Cockadoodle-doo ... part 1 of 5

Cockadoodle-doo

Part 1 of 5

Well it looks like am stuck here...oops no..am staying ear 4 a while until commissioner gets in touch. I go outside me farmhouse and...

"Oh hello my friend cum and walk wiv me round farm, i can tell u things r lookin' bad (shakes me head)."And i woz getting grumpy & the hens (rolls eyes) the hens?

Now where r those bloomin' hens ??(scratches head). The geese flew over(honk honk) like that :) hmm, even those were looking sad like that :(  

And in the barn was a lonely cockerel who had lost his doodle-doo!

 I turned 2 my little pink friend. "Must sort things out," said I az i dont know when 2 get up out of bed ?!?

 And if he dont crow (points 2 cockerel) well,,,shaking me head & sighing..(heeh..best i can do) I'll organize a meeting, call me bees and sheep 2gether in barn am sure we can come up wiv a plan 2 get the cockerel crowing.

You said.. "Yeah am sure we can come up with ...(looks blank) somat.".....2 b continued.

FARMOPOLY:

This adventure was sent 2 me by Imapig2 who plays MFF(Myfreefarm) on the USA server 1,& am sure she wud b delighted 2 c this erm...adventure on me blog :) . 1 of me other er...em....friends (can i call her that....no better stick with her pig name) her name is APigCanFly.In photo theres me (am the green 1) then theres imapig2 by me & just 2 her right as u look ...is APigCanFly....she has er...erm... nice wings....& soooo 2 the er...adventure...

Farmopoly:

"What shall we do today ? " said Imapig2 to her two friends who had come to visit."Well we can't do much out-side,it's raining" replied APigCanFly " we'd better do something inside "

 A disconcerted noise was heard coming from Moonpig's direction."Opps ! sorry " said Moonpig " It's just that I'm not very good at finding " things " to do when it's raining out-side." 

Never mind "APigCanFly " managed to say in a muffled voice...holding her snout..." Quick ! open the window Ima for a bit of 'fresh air '" . 

" O.K....eerk! ( noise of window opening ) " I've got a good idea " Ima said " I've bought this good board game called 'Farmopoly'..It's a bit like what 'humans' play,but.......pooh ! what's.....That ..smell?" 

"Er,,,nothing at all..Let's give that game 'A go ' "...Moonpig replied quickly changing the subject. " I 'bags' the tractor for my counter ".

So the others chose their counters and began to play.

" Wait a minute,.. I'll go first as I'm the President " grunted Moonpig,"

 I'll go second as I'm the Vice President " oinked APigCanFly," S'pose that means I go Last As I'm a 'No-Body'..sniffed Imapig2 

Now then...don't be sad..and you ARE Very Important to Us " nudged APigCanFly to Moonpig...

"Oh Yes ! of course you are " agreed Moonpig quickly,giving APigCanFy a puzzled look . 

" Can't you see,she's getting upset " whispered APigCanFly in Moonpig's ear. 

" Tell you what,You can be the 'Banker' as well , that's a very important job,isn't it APCF ? ( nudged back Moonpig )

 " Yes ! Yes ! it is Very Important to be The Banker Ima , after all you need to be able to ...er.. " " COUNT ?" piped up Moonpig. "

 That's right Moony,yes you need someone good at arithmetic!!!" 

"Well why didn't you say "said Ima cheering up.."let's play the game ," " Wonder what a-rith-me-tic is " thought Imapig2 quietly to herself....

" Just remember " added Moonpig " that when I pass GO,I get twice as much 'coz I'm The President."

 " That's right,and I get One & half times as much 'coz I'm the V.P. O.K. "APigCanFly agreed.............

An hour passed and........

" Oh! I don't want to play this game any more "said a rather annoyed Moonpig." I can't understand how you managed to get so much Money Imapig2 "

"Neither can I "was the words of an exasperated APigCanFly. 

"But,I'm The BANKER,...therefore I am entitled to a HUGE bonus everytime I pass GO aren't I ? " Moonpig & APigCanFly looked at each other with disgusted looks >@< ( just like that ) 

"O-Oh! " Imapig2 guessed they weren't very pleased & continued ..." Never mind...the sun as come out now " and dashed out into the bright sunlight, "Better make myself scarce" she thought. 

"IMA ! wait 'til I catch you " bellowed Moonpig. 

" Oh ! don't be too hard on her,after all I did see you once or twice with your trotters under the table" APigCanFly warned Moonpig. "

 Who me CHEAT ! " said Moonpig in a 'raised' voice ? And they both ran out after Imapig2 who was quickly disappearing out of sight !

(How's Zat ! ( Imapig2 )(She always ends her adventures & poems this way)

THE FACTORY:

Vacancies.

Sooo...Better employ sum other animals 2 prove that ham not racist....put an advert in local newspaper it says 'Now interviewing COWS (actually only 1 needed)4 taking the T-trolley round 2 thirsty employees, must av 'good hygiene'.

Day came & all the cows herded 2gether....Hey...they looked all the same 2 me...cudnt tell 1 from t'other?

Hi girls hope u r very Hygiene-

ik....lol...erm..er...down b-low like...cows blushed a little...Line up plz.

Clump climp clump climp(even heavier noise of cows lining up).K job description is, T-cow. Just av 2 push this trolley around (points 2 trolley wiv trotters) at breaktimes (we aint got that many tee hee! )...s'ezy :) & serve me employees wiv T's.

How much do u pay says the cows, only we herd(slight variation on spelling 4 cows)that u only pay the pigs peanuts & acorns as a bonus, sheep say ewe(sheep word slipping in ..lol)only pay them forage beet & herbs as a bonus,goats say ewe(there it is again)only pay them daisies & geraniums as a bonus...Thats correct but U wud get paid wiv clover & rapeseed az a bonus(looks smug). Just in spect ur udders .....hmmm mmm....  squeeze..szhszhzz...squirt! szhszhzz...squirt! & white fluid erm..flows....in2 handy mug. Moonpig goes down line of cows till gets 10 mugs of frothy white milk!

Moo mooo ! Bellow the cows....ur tickling us!Hehehe(noise of giggly cows)U have such a soft touch 4 a pig thats unusual coloured lows Buttercup & gives Moony a sloppy lick, sslllick (noise of sloppy lick).

That tickles 2 i says. Well i like u 2 aim ur udders at thiz mug....SPLAT!

 Moonpig got soaked! NO NO girls the mug over there on the T-trolley.....so anyway after a long time i give Buttercup the job. Well she kinda cute 4 a cow.

NooooMoooNooMoo!(sound of disappointed cows).

Start 2moro Buttercup & if pigs ask 4 milk with T....u know wot 2 do ;).

The Factory:

Vacancies...Sooo..better employ sum 'other' animals 2 prove ham not racist....put an advert in local newspaper it says 'Now interviewing GOATS 4 the production of erm..er..er..making & coating of chocolate coated raisins...

Day came & all the goats herded 2gether....

Hey...they all looked the same 2 me...cudnt tell 1 from t'other?? 

Line up plz says i...putting on me professional look :)...trip trap trip trap!(heavier noise of goat feet lining up).! 

Right all u az 2 do goats iz 2 er..er..produce the needed items 2 coat wiv chocolate.

How we do that? Maaard the goats.

Well u juz az 2 stand over there in the corner (points with trotters) & er...er...let nature take its corz...& erm then pick em up & put em in this machine over here (points & smiles.. :) ...like that ), which coats em with er...erm...chocolate, then weighs em & dumps em in these pretty boxes & er..erm...we will sell them az gifts 4 special occasions like anniversaries etc...simplz! Ham sure will b overrun wiv orders!

...Wot u pay us? say goats, as its very confusing,pigs say u only pay them peanuts...& acorns as a bonus, sheep say u only pay them forage beet & herbs as a bonus...its very confusing ?They maaard again....

Ur pay wud b....erm err (looks thoughtful)...wud b errr...erm daisies wiv geraniums az ur bonus :)...But i need a sample off u...av u brought any along 2 show me ?

 SAMPLES ! SAMPLES ! maaard the goats u must b kidding!Nothing was said about samples!!

 Well i need sum 2 erm...er...test 4 shape, size, etc...So off shuffled the goats huddling & conspiring in the corner....maaar maaaar (noise of goats conspiring).

Time passed,(PASSED...like that ;) ) & eventually the ball like ...er..erm...thingys was produced....sum were too round!...

No sorry u not employed not x-actly wot shape ham lookin 4....& so it went on until...Urika! 2 old goats had the right shaped emm..err..thingys...so Ziggy & Parsnip got the job with much disgruntled noise coming from rest of goat herd.

Sorry thaz all 4 2day...Maaar maaar,...trip trap trip trap(noise of goat feet leaving)

 K Ziggy & Parsnip, rest of wot u need 2 know iz on the staff notice board over there (points with trotters). Get familiarized wiv rules etcetera.

Trip trap trip trap! Noise of goats feet ...walking over 2 notice board. Goats were looking at the notice board closely....

And dow eat the paper on the notice board....i know wot u goats r like!!!

The Factory:Vacancies

...Sooo...better employ sum 'other' animals 2 prove ham not racist...put an advert in local newspaper it says, 'Now interviewing SHEEP 4 the prestigeous job of knitting T-cosies, must bring own wool & will b paid well'....

Day came and all the sheep bunched 2gether Hey...they all looked the same 2 me...cudn't tell 1 from the other ??..

Line up plz says i...putting on me professional look...tip tap tip tap! (noise of sheep feet lining up).! 

1 brave sheep says 'My name is Shirley,how much do ewe pay?(sheep word..hehe)the pigs ewe got working here say ewe pay only peanuts!'....

NO! NO! Thats wot pigs get paid  i says..also pigs get acorns az a bonus..ewe (getting in2 sheep talk)wud get paid erm er (sticks tongue out of corner of mouth & roll me eyes in deep concentration!!!)...heh um ! (clears throat)ewe wud get paid wiv forage beet & ur bonus wud b herbs,but...ewe muz meet the required quantities needed 4 the day....show me how fast ewe con knit Shirley.

.....Clack Clackerty Click Clack Clack Clickerty Clack.....

k k ewe r hired thats pretty fast work 4 a sheep all the other in4mation ewe will need is on the staff notice board over there(points with trotters).Baaa, says Shirley....

Next...,wots ur name? Shirley pipes up 'He's Shaun the sheep,he's shaun the sheep, he even works with those who cannot bleat....

Yes i interrupt az all other sheep were singing along  or so it seemed (strange all this bleating sounds like singing!), thx Shirley let him bleat 4 himself,..can ewe dye wool 4 us Shaun ?...

No probs says shaun i'm ur sheep....K ur hired, sorry thaz all the positions filled.

Baaa baaaa baaa,....tip tap tip tap(noise of sheep feet)& off others went.

The Factory Designs

Meet The Workers

Spode iz a medium tubby pink pig who likes iz food. Cliff iz a large orangey pig wiv black patches who smokes(pot). Clarice iz similar size pig but light pink & iz very artistic & sensitive.

Hall & Mark r both pink pot-bellied pigs & look very much alike...always frowning so eet seems.

Then there's Blossom a young impressionable sow, she iz light pink wiv black splashes on her ears & az a lovely err...figure (sweats & drools). Who have i left out ??? Oh yes...

Bezwik eez a deep greyish pink & not so tubby az Spode.

Then there's ME...I ham Special az i ham green. Well all of us r green where i cum from...planet Zork...me home.....snivel snivel (wipes tear away).Fink i av 2 employ other animals az sum 1 said i woz racist...only employing pigs...TUT! I'll show 'em. 

Better check on me sweat-shop...opps meant factory.Hi Cliff ,i shout & he quickly jumps up with his trotters round his back & his face gone all puse erm..thats red...hehe.Hmm...u had better put that out else u'll set urself on fire(i can c smoke from his fag accompanied by a queer aroma).

Mug above is some of Cliffs work not perfect but customers wont mind.

Clarice runs 2 show me her latest design...Hmm...but will the customers want crocus's all over the place...but i must admit it does look nice i add as tears well up in her eyes...probably from gratitude from what i said...well maybe :) 

Hall & Mark r busy with last years calenders !?!

 Bezwik & Spode r drawing plans 4 a new...er...line in a china pig using Blossom as a..as a...er..erm....model.Stop touching her like that u 2!U ought 2 know where she..er..er..bends & dips by now.

I whisper 2 Blossom,whisper whisper(like that)I say 'come 2 me office L8r & i'll show u what i want u 2 work on,there's a..a...er...little xtra money in it' :)I took Blossom on 2 send out same day flowers...got ideal name aint she...lol.

History(Joanyark)

Hi there

Well ham sorry there bin no new posts Of me adventures.

Was hoping 2 of been able 2 share a photo of me workers in me factory, but due 2 a break down temporary (laptop feeling poorly so took 2 laptop hospital---boy---it was running a temperature wen i put thingy in 2 its mouth(port...hehe).

Any way i woz reading up on Earth's history t'other day & found out interesting...erm..er..pig history bout pig goes by name of Joanyark...oink ! ^@^.

Well she woz mad....so it seems. 

She built this HUGE boat & told every 1 it was gona rain...& rain...& rain...(How she knew ? Woz she doing in-jun rain dance ?) Anyways...(wipes snout with trotter), she was charging an arm & a leg if u wanted a place in her boat.

Well how u gona walk on 2 legs all the while ? Mean...it's ok 4 a bit but eet does ur back in ....& i should know!!!

Needless 2 say not many fellow pigs took her up on her offer.

They all built their own coracles ....sound's painful...don't it ??

Hope 2 be able 2 put photo's on next time :)

Otherwise ...i may go 2 the library & look up more of Earth's delightful....em...er..history.

                           moonpig signing off  ^@^ oink !

                           

Lumberjack Pig ... part 3 of 3

Lumberjack Pig: 3 of 3

'Oh Deary me'..paramedics said 2 me pink friend, 'You needs a few stitches in your head', so 1 paramedic ran 2 the ambulance 2 fetch a sewing machine....& squeezed me friends head under foot..SQUELCH !...(under foot of machine.. not ur head b ing trampled on  :) ,,, ) & did a nice hem in head.....

"What about me grunted moonpig !!!"(who was still in the tree).

'Can't do nothin' for you' Paramedic pig says...'where is you any hows?'

"Am up HERE...in the tree." squeals I.

CREAK ! CRACK !

"Oh S**T, am f-f-falling. OOwww, Wallop! Thud! Bounce! & chain saw fell out of Moonpigs trotters too! (all while...blood curdling piggy squeals and grunts getting louder as Moonpig falls).

Ouchy Oinky Ouchy! (me...bouncing off tree) WATCH OUT BELOW ! ...Thud bounce thud!! 

Now i c flying elephants or....pigs...in front of me eyes . "Can u help me?" i groaned."Ooww  owww." (woz in pain)...Paramedics looked me all over..."Careful, am ticklish hehehehe".

...'Can't find any wounds..just scratches..but wheres the blood running down your leg coming from ?' (puzzled looks from paramedics)

"Sob Sob Sniff Sniff," cries i...."look wot i av done 2 me Strawberry jam sandwiches !!"

Got a right telling off from paramedics, Yatter nag nag yatter(thats a right tellin' off noise). 'Should of gone 2 Specsavers', they said, 'instead of wearing those cheap looking 'LOOK' specs!! Might of helped to see what you were sawing!1

Then az if salt were added 2 injury (just a saying, meaning somat couldnt get worse) parmedics chief said...'b more careful next time'...well...words 2 that effect! ;)

Lumberjack Pig ... part 2 of 3

Lumberjack Pig: 2 of 3

 ..'SQUEAL'...squealed erm...my friend...Opps! 2 L8..U woz ...woz...wearing a saw on head or woz eet 

IN head !...mate U day 1/2 look sick .. sick az a ...a...sick pig ! oink!

No stopping me though. I got me big tool out (was petrol chainsaw :)  ) & started singing # Timber timber timber i cry, if the chainsaw dow get 

me i'll live till i die....RRrrrrrmmh, RRrrrrrmmmhhhh,RRRR-HHHH-MMMM-H (noise of chainsaw 58X,, 24" cut made by LazerCut a heavy duty pro make !)

Oophs.

It slipped.....

ARGH!..saw all this red stuff run 

down me leg & tree...(shouldn't that b green stuff?) ...QUICK...get me cell phone out of pocket & called 4 

ambulance...coz by now me little pink friend had cum 2 and janked saw out of head 

& now there woz a red fountain spurting out of friend's head (Hmm! nice touch). So i pressed buttons on cell phone....Beep Bur Berp !

(noise of...Yawn...cell phone )....then heard sirens...in distance...them were sirens of ambulance....

'OVER HERE'...'IN THE FOREST' we both squealed!! 'HELP!.'.......2 b....continued......

Lumberjack Pig ... part 1 of 3

Lumberjack Pig: 1 of 3

 Time 2 cut sum trees down in me forest....so i takes me tools i might need in me wheelbarrow & pushed eet along the forest path.

Hmm!..that tree looks like juz wot i need....tum te tum...( thats me getting ready  me tools ).."Oh hello  my little pink friend, didn't x-pect 2 find u ear, u want 2 help ?" 

"Better put these protective erm... 'LOOK ' goggles on they will keep the erm...little bits that fall out of ur eyes..ok. U can hold this tree so az i wont fall orf it(hehe)."

My friend looked a bit...mystified...but put trotters on the tree...2 hold it still.

"Like this ?" says me friend.

"Yep! Thats good." says I...so i puts me spikes on me trotters (2 help me climb trees) & i takes me saw (2 saw orf little branches) :) Hmm..primitive tools thought i .

 Next strapped me .. .erm strap round tree & me...& took along ..heavy object...coz might need this 4 when i get 2 thicker branches....humfph humfph...(sound of pig climbing tree)..:)

"MY!..this iz harder then i fort , dont shake the tree, keep still." i squeals 2 me pink friend...well 1/2 way up...and....oohh!..dropped saw...weeeeeeehh plop!... 

"WATCH OUT DOWN BELOW !!!!!" i grunted :)

 I heard a terrifing squeal...'SQUEAL'...like that   :(  woz me friend....2 b continued....

Poetry Corner.

TITLE: Leisure

Oh my life is full,it's full of care

I just have all day 2 sit & stare

On my wooden bench i sit, b neath the boughs

& outstare both silly sheep & cows

I walk thru my lovely green forest & pass

where Cyril the squirrel hides his nuts in grass

I cavourt all day in the bright sunlight

Doing cartwheels & watching stars at night

I turn at times 2 look b hind & glance

& if no1 is there i do my moondance

I just have time 2 fill my watering can

& i smile while cooking T in my old saucepan

R a satisfiying life this is full of farming

Yet still i have time 2 do me gardening 

Thought u'de like a change this week...lol.

Next week i have 2 tidy me forest up.Sooo....c u then then!

Planet 4saken ... parts 7 and 8

heading 2 Earth

Planet 4saken: Parts 7 & 8

..then they lifted us both up on their shoulders and sang # Moonpig is our god ,how deep r his thoughts how great r his works...etc...well i dont want 2 get a big head :)..Well we were stuck there now coz i was their god (i have 2 get 2 UFO)....so then when they fell asleep (course i made a sleeping pill & added it 2 their porridge)..i woke my pink friend  & we ran & ran (with our torches switched 2 FULL glow)....collected weapons we had dropped....and 1 or 2 samples along the way 2 analize back on earth...since i cant go home ..sob.. sniff..parp! (blows me snout)switched on engines VZhzhzhzhzhzh and zoomed back 2 earth....NO..DONT DO THAT MY PIGGY FRIEND ! ! ! 

 2 L8....OH ! u just leaned on the jettyson button...& now ALL our samples gone in2 space!

...."No they havent",got this porridge in me hanky says u..

..K...give it me then 4 safe keeping...maybe ,just maybe we can duplicate it & it will work..just store it in the freezer...till i get time,must do me farm 1st... 

(8)WOW!! this porridge thingy might just work! Have 2 mix this with that...& that with this..then twiddle it round... just 1 more thing! POOF! POOF!(noise of succesful x periment).So now i contact commissioner with NEW FUEL 4 our UFO's HURRAH !

...BzzzBzzzBzzBzz...Hi commisioner i have completed my mission,says i jumping up & down and will send u by thought contact the xact recipe I was sent 2 find!..voice came back 'Well done moonpig'...I'll just give it 2 our top sciencepigs 2 C if they can duplicate it enuf !...10 hrs L8r....Yup...that is GRRREAT!

think commissioner was in party mood !

....Well i did cartwheels (something we cant make in the forest oh, we can make picture frames, tubs,hayracks and rakes...wooden spoons 2 come if u play My Free Farm)..Can i come home now then ? DEADLY SILENCE  Hello ?? Erm its little me commissioner ??? Hello...Hello....HELLO!...HELLOOOOOO!..seems like am stuck here,perhaps commissioner will get in touch with me 2moro & give me coordinates so as i can get a lock on that & go home (mine in UFO computer seems 2 of been...erased somehow)Oh bye my pink friend & thx 4 helping me out (i think)......home...Oh thats a good sound home... HOME! .... R planet Zork...my HOME.

Hey i think am getting the hang of this language now...so plz xcuse few mistakes i make...lol

AFTER PLANET 4SAKEN:The letter... turned on radio song playing was 'Message in a bottle',gave me an idea! :) I have this bottle shaped capsule hmm..i wonder... since i had lost contact with commissioner sort of...i do what humans do...Soooo i pulled feather out of hen (YANK!lots of angry clucking) i write a letter & send it in2 space!Music changed 2 ABBA,so i sing along # Mamma mia here i go again my my how can i resist yer mamma mia,does it show again my my just how much i missed yer...I start 2 write ,scribble scribble(noise of feather pen)Letter says'Dear Mamma...by the time u get this letter i may already b on me way home.Hope u & dad r ok & me numerous bro's & sis's(more scribbling)I am...Iam enjoying meself here on Earth (sob sob!)..so plz don't worry urself bout me (sniffle sniff)I have lots 2 keep me occupied what with the farms & cafes i help out with...not 2 mention my suck-sess-ful business's namely Moonpig.com & Funkypigeon.com...am real...busy.(parp! blows me snout)..i hardly have time 2 miss u & planet Zork my home'( Oh what a good liar i am )...signed...Moonpig.I get in my UFO & gets high enuf 2 send capsule out of rocket launchers at warp 10.Hope it goes in2 right flight path as Space Sat Nav is down 2. It should only take 3-4 yrs 2 reach..hopefully...spliffffhszzh(noise of capsule b ing ejected in2 outerspace) There..done..(sob sob)...am cracking up.Have 2 get drunk on me fodder beet wine i have made...Hic hic!

Planet 4saken ... part 5 and 6

He opened his big mouth & growled

Planet 4saken: Parts 5 & 6


(5)..bumping in2 things & tripping over...(cause it was still pretty dark) & i got stuck in the bog (bad case of diarrhoea..had 2 wipe my bum fast)then continued running & oinking at tops of our voices
.....OINKY OINKY SQUEAL! all the way...then we got seperated as we hid b tween the sandstone rocks (was this a place called Kinver on earth?)...Anyway i got my communicator out of pocket & whispered LOUD..come in piggy friend come in...respond....no answer
....so i banged it 1 & batteries fell out & went down a crevis! Doh! Then i smelt something real bad like...like eggs gone orf!...(wasnt me ...honest)...then i blacked out! Next thing i knew i was b ing carried...bound by me trotters on a pole dandling.. was i 4 their barbque ?
 I couldnt understand all the gibberish they(big teddy bear look-a-likes)were shouting & i couldnt reach in me pocket 4 me Instant-Galactic-Translater...i was done 4 thought I...& where was my friend !?!.

spiderleg necklace

OO000Oooo! came groaning..from next pole b sides me...was my friend on next pole...dangling ( Hey so we have somat in common)............


(6).. next these big(vampire) teddy bears(who also eat porridge) were bringing firewood & placing it underneath us...This is the end then i says to u...
 i sang....# so long old frieeennnd,i wish that i cud C U againnnn...Suddendly  a teddy bear ambled over (think he thought i was in pain),prodded me a few times with a..a..matchstick..and & me necklace fell in2 view of teddy.....Da da da dum..(that was noise effect...pretty good heh!)
He opened his big mouth and GROWLED.Am done 4 thought I ?...I was not prepared 4 happened next.....teddy ran 2 other bears...growled somat & they all came running over 2 look at me....then they untied me...fell down on their knees & (have teddy bears got knees ?These have )...was they worshipping me ?.....got me Instant-Galatic-Translater out of pocket..turned it on (click) seems my spider necklace is a symbol of a sign they were waiting 4..:) 
 Fewooh ! lucky me...so i get them 2 untie my piggy friend by saying my friend  was my servant and....teddy bears put on a big feast(or picnic) 4 us and they sing # Our reasons 4 joy R abundant like spiders increasing in size,desirable things of our planet(porridge),R reasons why we fight!...2 b cont. 

Planet 4saken ... part 4 of 8

Planet 4saken: 4 of 8

(4)Suddenly!  whats that noise ? WHHHOOOsh ! WWHhhOOOSH !

 # I hear hurricanes a blowin' I know the end is coming soon(must b getting near 2 enemy now...better b careful!) 

so we both sing #Theres a bad moon on the rise...looks like were in 4 stormy weather, hope U R quite prepared 2 die..(oink i'm not!but not letting on :)   )we turned the corner ....¬ (that mark a liitle corner) :)...&..THERE THEY WERE...the residents of 4saken...nothin' prepared us 4 the sight we were C ing !! They were 1 meter high (or 39 inches) BIG fluffy brown(well mostly brown) bodies (reminded me of teddy bears) and RED eyes..some looked a bit worn out (like they been cuddled a lot...know what i mean ? ) quick hide!

..2 L8 they seen us...they gave out a blood curdling cry

..like this GROWL GROWL... think I heard 1 say...

"who's been eating MY porridge"

...well we weren't waiting 2 

find out so we ran as fast 

as  a ...speeding bullet..... 


2 b continued

Planet 4saken ... part 3 of 8

Planet 4saken:Part 3 of 8

Wow the winds still blowin' and THUD! darkness FELL! & so we stumble along dropping Dermal Regenarater ray-gun & light sabre....never mind ...we get them L8r...on way back ...better get Plasma torches out of we pockets (fumble fumble)...K...now switch them on 2 dip-mode...(click)...thats so as enemy wont C us ;)

 Oh! i dropped me necklace out of pocket...better wear it round me neck (remember the spiders leg i cut off ? (story Stargate).. well i made it in2 a necklace) nice touch! 

...Now me friend ...u got that scanner i gave u 2 hold ?

...'Yup'....

Good,now switch it on..(clunck) & scan 4 puddles or somat that cud b used 4 or coverted 2 fuel....

As we trotted along,leanining in2 the howling wind ..looked up & saw a round bright light....

Argghh! what is it ?' says me little pink friend .

I say,Its..Its a Big round Moon...rising over this 4saken planet...looks like its frowning at us !

 Seems like a good place 2 stop 4 a song (remember when u c the hash...it indicates this bit is sung) sooo # i C the bad moon arising...I C trouble on the way...(then ground shook)~~~ like that~~~ 

Pink friend sang # I C earthquakes & lightnings ...I C bad times on the way!

....No kidding says I...which is hard 4 a pig 2 act like b lieve me ! (little goat got in somehow)..2 b cont.

Planet 4saken ... part 2 of 8

Planet 4saken: 2 of 8

(2)..so i grab u & we take along some weapons we may need...punch address in2 Space Sat Nav & start thruster engines up.

Vzhzhzhzhzh(noise of well maintained thrusters) U said 'i'll switch on the radio ..so u switched on radio and we sang along (a little out of tune ..nervously c )# so here we Rrrrr... floating in our tin caaannn...high..above the moooon..planet earth is bluuee and theres nothing we can dooo..Hzhzhzhzhzv..(thats sound of Reverse thrusters)

 Alrighty...we here.....i say...we're here my little pink friend...u can take ur trotters off ur eyes now & look...we've laaannnddeeD.

Sooo  we step outside & climb down the ladder from UFO 2...(errie sounds like wind HOWLING and metalic sounds)...whissshhh....WHisssssshhhhh....clunck rattle clunck! :).....then heard a rumbling noise getting louder & LOUDER (rumble rumble RUMBLE !!   :)...)

 I stared hard at u .....'not my fault' said u...' u dragged me away without me eating my breakfast !'

...Hmmm! says I stuffing friend's face with a fodder beet...try that 4 size!.2 b continued

Planet 4saken ... part 1 of 8

mopping his brow b-tween his legs

PLANET 4saken: part 1 of 8

Commisioners forts came 2 me head...by fort contact...Ow!Ow ee!Oo chee ouchy! (them were strong)...
'Well Moonpig...you don't seem 2 of come up with a new substitute fuel for our UFO's yet!' he bellowed...well it was more of a Big Grunt......
"No...sorry sir...u want me 2 return home 2 Zork :) ?".....
'NO! NO! NO!..dont do that!' (cud almost c him mopping iz....erm...brow..b-tween iz legs :) say he was pretty good at yoga..).
'You must go to a planet named '4saken'...now it's been at war for as long as i can remember, thats why no one has ever gone there but you seem like u cud handle it...so...GO! Go NOW!'
....Hmm!  song came 2 me sew i sing, #( that hash means am singing..remember )We've already said goodbyeeee since i gota go Oh id'e better go now(da dum dum da dum dum=backing drone) Go now go now go nowww...etc...

The Commissioner

Commissioner grunted out LOUD...'R U LISTENING 2 ME MOONPIG.'
..."O yeah but i just want ..want".... commisioner woz gone "soooo!...erm!...any 1 want 2 cum along 4 a joyride?" (nervous laugh/oink)...2 b cont.

Stargate ... part 5 of 5

STARGATE:Part 5 of 5

Fire fire!...Bee-bar-bee-bar...fire engine came in2 view.
"Quick quick! me farmhouse iz burning down! Flames licking every where!"Well they were firsty & ....SSssSzzSSss (noise of fire b ing put out).Got a right telling off from Mr. Firenationman "Dont sleep while the bunsen burner is still lit & you should never ever drink alcohol to excess....btw mines a double martini shaken not stirred thx." Gulp!"And with that took off back 2 fire station.
Sooo! that was the end of that x-periment no possible fuel..sob sob..2 take back..sob..sod..(now how did that get in ?) will i ever get back 2 Zork ?...might az well cheer uz up & sing more # I cut my nails & i wriggle my bum, I'm really nervous but eet sure iz fun, come on baby, u drive me crazy, goodness gracious great balls of fire.......u fine, sew kind, I got this farm & eets mine mine mine....goodness gracious great balls of FIRE..thats eet now lets sleep....clean up in the morning....hey friend u gona stay the night? If u r ...keep 2 ur own side of the bed i'm not in the mood!....end

Stargate ... part 4 of 5

STARGATE: Part 4 of 5

...in my UFO i az a fully fitted Lav....?...Oh! i meant Lab...short 4..?!? well u know wot eets called."Thax me friend juz put the sample in test-tube there...watch me trotters...no not literally
..like this lol....i dont want flat trotters. There..light the bunsen-burner & wait C wot develops(nice photos -not!).Tum-tee-tum (noise of uz waiting).Lets av a rest while we waiting, and lie around, tell u what we cud do while we wait..,u want 2 C me etchings?"

"Yup" says u...."K" i says.....(shuffling noise) ...."now show me urs (more shuffling noises).

Sooo whos got the best ?"

"Don't know"says u.

"Let's measure 'em...wots that ?..U want a drink ?"

So we drink....lots....& more...Hic hic,"Welsh..I ffinksh the tesht shouldsht bist donsht nowst"...so we roll out 2 the lab &....C flames shooting everywhere!! Firesh!Hic!Firesh! so now we sing(out of key)# U shake my nerves & U rattle my brain, 2 much drink drives a pig insane, U broke my ass (sorry glass), oh wot a frill, GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE!!....2 beesh konsh tinoosh.