Stargate ... part 1 of 5

Stargate

Part 1 of 5

(1)Woz minding me own business working away on farm in me cornfield, when i saw this..this erm thingy appear. It woz like a big polo mint but bigger, shining & twinkling.Wiv glazed eyes i phoned me friend (thats u ), said u might like 2 C this...come.

So...there we were we walked straight thru the circle which i had identified az a Stargate from me UFO trotter book (similar 2 a hand book  humans R fond of)and thru in2 a primitive atmosphere...trot trot trot...(thats we...walking thru).

"Have u got a compass ?"

'Yup' says you...so we walked across a small wooden bridge that went over a winding river,...trip trap trip trap (noise of our trotters going over wooden bridge),az we did...heard a noise coming from under bridge.

Ksssh! Rsssh!..somat like that. Dare we look !..."YIKES...get orf me trotters & watch where ur walking will u ..tut! (noise of...er...me tutting).Arrgh! Its a enormous black hairy mutated spider wiv 1000 eyes all glittering and saliva dripping out of eets fangs, drip drip splot!" (that noise of spidey dripping & splotting all over the place )....2 b continued...

Rock Festival ... part 3 of 3

Rock Festival:part 3.

All these strange "beings"...standing proudly by tables..fink u call 'em...pointing and discussing pro's & con's,,,of these....these...these lumps(Oh! give a pig a break will yer!)of stones erm! ok ..rocks.1 said, i got mine from Uranus(snigger). Nother said, i got mine from Tesco's...and he turned 2 me & said wheres ur lump O rock alien?...I stuttered a few words out like this...Oh bum!..reached in2 me pocket, and pulled out a...green rock...i always carry around wiv me 4 luck & plonked eet on table...the strange "being" labelled eet 4 me...i told him wot stone woz...so label said...Moonpig...Kryptonite...from Zork..(coz actually all Kryptonoite came from Zork..sum stupid idiot left sum somewhere on nother planet and Superpig fort he'd av a go at breeding the stone (bet u didnt know he woz that dumb! Doh!)...anyway U, my friend ad in ur box..remember??? a nice Krystal...well we sometimes spell our C's with a K on Zork! Lets go home...hang on i cant ,Sob! sniffle.!..blow my snout.Parp! that better..now 2 ADOPTED earth....zhhhooosh!

Hope u like me (c above) in me GEAR.....anyway pigs dow wear clothes...so says me rule book, Animal Farm...well am not wearing 'em c...just ...er...trying 'em on with permission from me commissioner (he on Zork me home planet)..fink rule said "No animal shall wear clothes"...yup! just checked in me book here!

Rock Festival ...part 2 of 3

Rock Festival:Part 2 of 3

Landed me UFO..WHEEeee! Shpulg!

Great getting more used 2 controls. Hmm! eets great ear lots of mud (pigs LOVE mud)...signpost said Gladsunbury.

Well! no 1 else seems 2 of made effort 2 dress up. There woz I...strutting my stuff, twisting round me trotters and reaching 4 the sky..hoppin'& boppin', swingin' me....hips (well what u think i was gona say i was swingin'..tut.).

Hang on....??? 

Wheres the music ???

Wheres the stage ???

Wheres the bands ???

Wheres the artists ???

All i cud C were flimsy buildings...fink u earth pigs call 'em tents....so i swaggered up 2 nearest tent...looked inside.....and...(cliff hanger)...???

Rock Festival ... part 1 of 3

Rock Festival.Part 1 of 3. 

Late afternoon, i herd (y dow these humans spell properly?) the letter box go on me farm,  clunk! (noise of letter box) Probably junk mail fort i. Hmm!...sorted thru mail...woz 1...4 pizzas...& 1...4 diff kinds of body part enlargements...hehe!
....oh & this 1...invite 2 ....rock festival.
I got me mind in2 gear & by using 'fort
contact' .....ouch!...that hurt!..got in touch wiv commissioner on Zork (Aw! me home planet) & he said "Go!!!You might learn something from someone 'bout something"
Soooo!....checked time & date and started 2 prepare 4 festival.
Looked in wardrobe and whipped out pair of bell bottom jeans,(animals r allowed 2 wear types of clothing 4 special okk-kay-shuns so ham told) a flowered shirt, waistcoat thingy made out of camel hair, sandals...and...cowbell 4 neck...looked the part.
Then u appeared me friend.
"Hi,come in, wot do u think bout me 'clobber' ??"
'Not 2 sure?' says u.
Bet u right jealous, fort 2 meself.
Anyway......
The day came and got in UFO.
"Oh..ok friend...u can cum 2.(hey i noze how 2 spell all these Earth words :) U cud of made more of an effort 2 dress up!"
U looked a little stunned (probably coz u, liked my gear)
2Wheres ur gear ?" oinked i. "U gona dress up L8r ???"
'No need' says you 'i have got something in this box....!'
Hmm! ok then...better learn a few phrases....

Real cool man(pig)--Peace--Far out...

There....that shud do !