Rantings of a drug induced pig

The day after the night b 4
As i lay on a bottomless floor
When ghosts & ghouls skimmed by & said
U know u really shouldn't b dead
I turned 2 c the square oblong door
& walked out backwards 2 the time b 4
Was I inside of space or outside of time
Images most horrible said 'come now u r mine'
I spun around or was it upside down
& I couldn't control my loosening frown
Upon my face all distorted & twisted
I snorted white powder or maybe kissed it
Then as i gazed within the outside stone
That grew & shrunk inside the glass dome
A sight I knew from forward past
Came zooming by it screamed 'at last'
Come follow me closely & u will find
The thing u lost or else u'll go blind
Sounds all around & inside my head
Whinning & whistling whats that it just said?
From following shadows or the gonging bell
I wish I could wake up from this living hell.

sorry bout it not lining up 2 well,i've played about with it till am black in the face....hehe.
Hope it doesnt spoil ur reading of it 2 much ;)

(4)Like i said suddenly a whole gang of 'em encircled me I was surrounded by these meerkat creatures,what was i 2 do???!!!!!
So there I was outnumbered.Meercats stared at me & I at them...then I had a thought(whirl whirl,noise of brain working ).
I got this little dog out of my pocket...clicked my...erm..trotters & little dog did a dance..tap tap tippety tap(that noise of paws of dog dancing)
TOTALLY mezmerizing them meercat thing-a me-bobs...I slipped away....(slip) and hell bent 4 pig-skin....ran as fast as i could 2 UFO
I jumped aboard ,whistled dog (whheee a wit...thats a whistle) grabbed him & put him back in pocket.
Started up engines FAST Vzhzhzhzhzh ( noise of well maintained thrusters )...& back 2 Earth in a flash.
In lab tested gloopy stuff...erm...dont think it no good ? What do u think?
Is Meercat thingy-me-bob poo!!says u.
Well we live another day...suppose..hope have better luck next time...:(

Destination Juppo ... parts 2, 3, & 4

(2)Sooooo now we r ear on planet Juppo, "Mind where ur putting ur trotters!
Lets look over there..wots thiz gloopy stuff ? Better take a sample & analize eet in me lab.
Wots the matter wiv u ?"...
Friend says "I can hear a weird noise!!!"
"Ooo yes i ear it 2...c if we can get a lock on that position, i grab ur leg & u can grab my...leg
...OOooo!thats nice???"
"Where were we ?" oinks friend.
" Not sure, I can ear a rhythmical chant & feel the stomp of naked feet & the pounding of drums...eets coming from over there!(points) Lets creep up & take a look...creep creep creep...noise of creeping
Yeah can c 'em now, strange creatures like meercats wiv a Radio-active glow. Hey me friend did u bring along ur Dermal Regenarater Plasma Ray thingy ?"
"Yup"says you.
"Let me look at urs..my..thats big.."
"Yup"says you
"I brought me Light Sabre".....we crept closer, closer, cud hear words of chanting...went like this 'Compare the market makes us frown, compare the market ruins our town'..etc...& ended 'all day loooong'.
Meercat ears & nose twitch as they smell us out...shock horror.

(3)Sud of ad a shower...but then i like rolling in the mire!!!
"Pick up ur ray thingy me friend...use eet...not on me idiot! (although that wos...OOoo so satisfying)...now it wont work till at least another hour...quick run take this sample back 2 UFO.(run run run run) trip, wallop!
 "Ouch!" oinks friend.
"Get b hind me friend I'll protect u (but me friend runs away & leaves me alone, aw!)
Moonpig lets out a blood curdling battle cry like a Banshee
..."SQUEAL,OINK, GRUNT, SUE-EEE!!!!" & i lunge at 'em wiv me Light Sabre...zzooouuh! zuushshsh!..then it went silent.(coz it broke!..rubbish wot me government gave me, av 2 complain!!).
From the shadow a dark figure sprang out at me ... Boing!!!
Said it's name woz Lightning...but i woz ready 4 anything. Took up me Kung Fu pose...Eeeh Yah! take that! Now 4 the singing bit..# and every 1 was kung-fu fightingggg...& I woz swifter than Lightningggg...in fact it woz a little bit frightninggg....Wallop!Thud!..eet lay on the ground not breathin'.
Think it dead said 2 myself...Suddenly....2 b continued...

(4)(4)Like i said suddenly a whole gang of 'em encircled me I woz surrounded by these meerkat creatures, wot woz i 2 do???!!!!!  So there I woz out numbered. Meercats stared at me & I at them...then I had a thought(whirl whirl,noise of brain working )I got this little dog out of me pocket clicked my...erm..trotters & little dog did a dance...TOTALLY mezmerizing them...I slipped away....(slip) and hell bent 4 pig-skin....ran az fast az i cud 2 UFO....jumped aboard, whistled dog,(whheee a wit...thats a whistle) grabbed him & put him back in me pocket....Started up engines FAST...& back 2 Earth in a flash.
Once in lab i tested the gloopy stuff.
"..erm...dont fink eet no good friend...iz juz Meercat poo!!....well we live another day...suppose..hope have better luck next time."  :(

Destination Juppo ... part 1 of 4

  

Destination Juppo

(1)Destination "JUPPO"
Moonpig turned on the radio...his favourite tune was playing...listen..
"Do yah dot'n duy ba da dot'n duy yah oo-ee dot'n duy oo-ee zabba duy da"....etc.etc.Moonpig sang along & Piggy-bopped while eating toast spread with peanut butter & ketchup 4 breakfast.
Suddenly moonpig felt dizzy...was it a bad case of Vertigogo..no! twas a thunderous voice of the commissioner coming from the radio, from planet Zork.Voice boomed out....
MOONPIG!! report on fuel search!
....."Oh didnt know u cud uz the radio 2 communicate commisioner Sir! erm! erm! nothin' 2 report at present yet Sir, woz gona check out up north a little Sir"...
"Right get on with it then" grunted the commissioner.
Then u me friend appeared on me farm.
"Well hi there, i cud do wiv sum company wud u like 2 cum ? Good jump in2 my UFO." Then we do the usual checks b 4 take off...went somat like this..huh erm!(clears throat) smile in2 the mirror :) make sure no breakfast stuck b tween teeth & no bogies left up snout & squeeze out any zits ;) k...next switch on thruster engines..
Vzhzhzhzhzh( noise of well maintained thrusters)...roared in2 life & hovered away in2 orbit & b-yond.......2.b....continued

Invite and The Battle

(1)Invite...Step in2 me spaceship, there's ur seat...eets only 2 or 3 seater wiv a squeeze, but plenty of room eh! Looks deceptive from outside. K b 4 we take orf we fuel up at Middle Earth wiv plenty of oxygen mixed wiv a healthy dollap of Argon. Check the rear & upside down mirrors & put me synapses in2 gear. Me mass of cell connections iz all in working order, sooo using me prefrontal cortex, had a deep fink az 2 where we wud b going (billions of neurons stretched & relaxed). Fink we go & explore a Nebula. Juz set me Space Sat Nav... k, we go look at strange b-havior of distant star (SN199sk) thats eetz name. Argh! Watch out 4 that Superdupernova...az been known 2 pull spaceships in 2 eetz orbit....never 2 b seen again....u shaking me friend...caux i am...WATCH OUT!!! ARrrrgggh!..get orf me lap...fink u av 2 turn right here...or iz eet left...No its rite...but i cud b wrong...Sat Nav az been disrupted by an alien probe beam....av 2 fly blind. Wheres that star we supposed 2 investigate?...Oh no! eets...eets....eets...BOOM!!!..juz x-plode-ded!...and we r b-ing followed by Klingon vessel!!..

UFO ?

(2)The Battle...remember when u c this  #(hash) means am singing sooo # Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow, theres Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow. Hey-yelp ! Zap!Zap! (noise of Klingons battle guns)
Tell u wot, lez put our Light Wave Reverser Recycler in 2 a deep dive & reverse thrusters 2 the power of 10, then split the atomiser & chuck eet out of the airlock on 2 'em wen we go past, lez hope their cloaking device doe get past our Polychromatic Potato Peeler.
Zrhzrhzrh!Shish!Shish!splug!...our Atomiser az ripped Klingons Membrume Virile ;) & electic sparks fly & pass thru a prism turning their ship in 2 organic soup (green of course).
The Klingons on that ship will die of a loathsome intestinal disease. Doe worry, we con go 2 warp 9 & still get home 4 T...thaz after we fix & fine tune our microbial 02 production, using light energy from high energy particle engines....then we only have 2 modify the Electromagnetic Vibrator (snigger)...ok...that done, now eets onward & upward & in2 infertility ;) or somat like that !
Hold on tight...oh yeah!! Great eh!.Now head 4 Middle Earth, adopted home, since i cant return 2 planet Zork till i av located source of new modified fuel.

Club

(5)Club.....I started me own club...& on 1st farm,( that has 6 fields or if u want hen house, mayo kitchen etc.)...put me club house.
Called eet...hmm! woz gona call it Pigs In Sugar Space...but that spelt PISS ;)...Hehe...so on reflextion...Oh! i do love me reflextion...called eet...Kastle In Shaded Spaces. Eye noze u spell Kastle wiv a c on earth but on Zork is K...ok...so when u c me in market place, iz like me name and the club title ham in or rather started.
Az eye (sometimes gets spelling wrong :) ) ham President eye wear a GREEN crown if u cum on me friends list u will c eet at end of me name. Vice-President get a Lt.bluecrown.
Other members....well....they just common pigs, they dont get 1( but still needed 2 put things in2 quests!)
Next...the Greetings we give when we C each other in the Market Place, buying and selling...oink! When i was common pig and i saw someone in market place i knew add crown i'd do a greeting like thiz...stick totters up snout, bob out tongue (which iz sign of respect so ham told) and cross me i's (eyes), and if u real clever ...spin around on 1 trotter wiv fodder beet (now called Forage Beet)on snout :). Common pigs juz signal 2 each other and say...up urs....funny custom! Oh common pigs (those with NO crown) ALWAYS bow down 2 ones wiv crown :)

IMPORTANT UPDATE.....Well seemed i ended that club 'KISS'...(server3,former UK 1),...so am common pig there now (no crown). I joined a club but

Comfy stools

add 2 ...2 concentrate on new club in America again server 1.. wot i called Green Planet Farm Club....i got green crown,..bow down 2 me now! lol.Well r we the laziest club around 4 questing or wot!(not really we do quest a bit) Kept me name of moonpig there................Oh & in US club house.....Green Planet Farm Club, tag iz Zork,we have stools, 4 each member (can add more if more comrades join uz...oink!).Mine iz the purple 1.Well eye couldn't av the green 1 az eye wud blend in & u wudn't b able 2 C me.
Next time if u good....i take u 4 a ride in me UFO!