Ice Skating ... part 2 of 3

Ice Skating: Part 2 of 3

Watch Out!!!!

Whoosh Swish! Swish Whoosh! went i looking rather unsophisticated i wobbled around the ice-rink, hunched over swinging me back trotters looking more like a ice hockey player than a graceful skater....then IT happened...BUMP! against piglets knocking some over, causing others 2 crash in2 each other.
"Squeal"...squealed the poor little piglets...next...i broke thru a couple who woz holding trotters & gazing in2 each others eyes...but i woz more concerned on NOT falling over sew much that i hadnt enuf time 2 apologize...I cud C U at the far end of the rink...so i speeded up round & round the rink till the sound & colours of the skaters massed in2 a whirl like az if i woz on a fast moving merry-go-round. Me friend passed me again saying, "keep up you old goat!"
"Fink u not got ur specs on" i grunt" i am little green pig!.....2 b cont...

Ice Skating ...part 1 of 3

Ice Skating 1 of 3

Hmm, wot shall i do 2day ? R i know i'll go ice-skating...did i tell i u woz good at that ? Well i practiced my skating when pondington woz all froze up...(liar woz on me bum more times than i can count)....

Sooo here i am at local ice-rink, pays me pd & gets me skates.Think i watch a bit....well it looks ee-zz enuf so i go onto rink & stay near the edge 4 a while...the cold from the ice goes right up me jacksy...hehe..there...i goes...feeling a little more confident i push out wiv me blades.

Swinging me trotters out 4 balance like others were doing ...picked up speed. Whoosh! Swish! Whoosh! Swish! passed a smug pig & his family

"O hi piggy friend didnt know u came here?"

"See if you can keep up with me," you said & off you went, wiv me going az fast az little trotters wud go. Dodging piglets & old pigs & quite a few sheep, goats & cows az well.....2 b cont...

dodging quite a few

This is ee zz....Wheee!

The Factory Break In. Part 2

---Baa Baa, moooo, maaar & oinky oink...all erm...chatted az clearing up work got under way...Soon place looked erm...workable again soooo, sum1 remarked "shud get a guard dog" & ...TING! (that a idea) ..idea woz, erm...born.
 Off Moonpig went 2 local hostel 4 homeless drifters of the erm dog kind 2 c if he cud er....entice any dog wiv  promise of job.
 Pay 2 b erm....well c if i con work somat out but took a bone from butchers wiv 

me as an...erm enticement...Am looking 4 a big fierce dog with big fierce voice or smaller dog with big fierce voice as cud not spend 2 much on money of...erm...dog food & smaller dog wudnt eat az much...(am not stupid pig :) .Almost there....came 2 a fork in road so....stopped 2 pick it up & looked 4 knife 2...sooo shud i go 2 the left...or right...??? Went right corz other way shud always b left :)...got out me Robin Reliant..well wasnt walking all that way...got a good deal on this (points 2 car as 'moonpig gets his wheels' story will will tell u). Got 2 hostel & woz eyeing up the dogs...making conversation...selling 'em the job....added comfy life style, blah blah blah etc etc etc! All u az 2 do iz bark if any1 trys 2 get in that shudnt....simplzzz.

---I can do that job wot will u pay me ?
---O here we go again fort i 2 meself. 1 tin of dog food & 6 bikkies a day....& az a bonus u get ALL the water u can drink...also...any scraps u get orf the staff !...(looks smug).Wotz more, u get a kennel wiv a comfy soft bed in....btw u also get ...no days off (mutters i under me breath).Whips out a contract ...whiiiss! (noise of erm contract coming out me pocket) & all u av 2 do is...sign on dotted line, here (points).
Dog looked it over.
Hmm! dont think it con read 2 well fort i. Dog put paw mark on dotted line.Told u it cudnt read well lol.
---K , u gets 2 wear this erm err LOVELY necklace thingy (its ok 4 dogs 2 wear collars),
makes it ALL official like & az name & address of ur er employer on 1 side & on other side az ur name on c (shows dog). Just jump in2 me car & i'll introduce u 2 the workers when i show u round me factory iz a VERY important job thy nowst...

Well...ear it is, come & meet me staff sew u know whos allowed in...Dog wagged its tail....all went well & Cliff says "Wots the dog named ?"
---'Life' says i & btw...turned 2 all staff members ...adds actually Life's a BITCH !!!

The Factory: Break in Part 1 of 2

Ad a message on me cell phone...said...we need u (me) at the factory NOW. There's been a break in!! Soooo I dashed 2 the factory in Pearl...name of me 3 wheeled Robin Reliant...taz 3 wheels soooo less drag c. Got there in a flick of a lambs tail...well no...it was me car actually :). Woz met by Cliff, pig who makes them erm...er...marvelous mugs...As i walk thru the erm..er..bits on the floor i oinky shouts 'Wots so important i have 2 come in on me day orf ?'...shaking crunchy bits of pottery off me trotters...

---I thought u shud c this ... one of me workers says (points 2 mess on floor)& shows me all smashed mugs in kiln...that a big hot oven we bake the mugs in...but i've managed 2 avoid getting in...so far :)
---ooOOoo wot a mess oinks I....then Clarice comes trotting over 2 me...blubbering & wiping her snotty snout with tissues (wot matter with back of leg? It wud save on the tissues!!) She manages 2 show me her latest design book all covered with paint of different hues (looked alright 2 me but...)  Its all wrong its all wrong sniffs Clarice, someone has spoilt all my designs....& with that she falls 2 the floor in heap FLUMP! (like that! ) oinking & sobbing like theres no 2moro.
---ooOOoo erm better have a mug of T, wheres Buttercup ?? Oh! She crying in corner as her T-trolley has been...been BENT all outta shape & the wheels r missing!
---Hall & Mark run 2 me trotters all up in air...squealing...someone has wrote all over these last years calenders!!...
---Woz this ? i say as Spode & Bezwik show me their broken pottery....Shaun & Shirley shows me wot WOS supposed t b T-cosies...woz all cut up. Then Ziggy & Parsnip shows me the mess all over part of their factory floor where the chocolate covered raisins ad been chucked all over round & about then stamped on...flat!
--- Oh dear...this will never do oinks i...& that just about did it!!
Policepigstable came & wrote down a few notes (doh,ray,far,me etc.) & oinked has anyone got anything against u ?
---Looked round & as i cud c no 1 against me...stayed speechless like, & shrugged me shoulders.
---Have u in inadvertently offended anyone recently or has a grudge against you?
Cudnt c grudge (who ever grudge was ?? )
---Erm er well...i az employed new erm er staff erm er cud only take on 2 sheep, 2 goats & a cow....but u shud of seen the crowd that turned up 4 so few jobs!! Ad 2 turn most of them away :( 

----Hmmm says policepigstable...perhaps someone is paying u back 4 not hiring them ?
 ----No, no 1's given me any money (scratches head) & i dont av any boxes 2 make any1 higher ?? (scratches butt.)
---Policepigstable looked puzzled & scratched his erm..his butt. Well i have 2 go now & type up these notes & if anything turns up....i'll get in touch...with that he got on police bike. Rrmnnnn-nnnn Rrmnnnn-nnnn (revving up of police bike noise) & off he went.
---K all trotters & hooves 2 job of clearing up!!