Know Your Enemy ... part 3 of 3

Part 3 of 3
"Time for a bit of spring cleaning." oinks Moonpig 'singing' and humming making a noise without opening his snouty mouth. "Remember a tidy garden iz a slug free garden" says Moony to himself as no one else is about.
Other ways to get rid of slugs and snails from your plot is.......[Time Passes] Ah! we turn to see Moonpig coming out of his farmhouse carrying a shallow bowl or lid that's come off something or other, a can of Budweiser and a salt cellar.

Carrying welcome drink and salt out.

Wonder what he's going to do with them ?...when...
"What are you going to do with those." Pinky squeaked.
"Humpff! U agen," Moony rolls his eyes upwards, "Well...erm...errr....(got 2 do a quick piece of finking ear thought Moonpig to himself !) "Erm just gona put a welcome drink out 4 our little friends az salt will erm...err...make 'em firsty." smirked Moonpig ;)
"Oh, that's so kind of you. See it's not to hard to like our wild life, I knew you would reconsider as hanging slugs out to dry is just not on."oinked Pinky now smiling...really SMILING ! "But salt KILLS slugs Moony." Pinky starts to worry.
"O iz just 2...2...erm...2 leave at the side of path ear in case they want 2...2...2 put sum on the potatoes b-4 they eat 'em."

One of the Jersey Royal potatoes :D

Pinky looks high and low but cannot see any potatoes...knowing this Moonpig oinks up "I'll put a few Jersey Royal Potatoes out 4 'em L8r."
This pacifies, calms or soothes Pinky...maybe all three !
After digging out a shallow patch placed strategically in a area of high activity...considering slime trails...places the shallow bowl or lid... Moony invites Pinky to open the Budweiser can and pour it into the receptacle. Hey that's a big word to use but all it means is...hollow object used to contain something :)

Dig dig dig dig digging !

Shpuft!(noise of ring can being pulled) bloob bloob bloob bloob! (noise of Budweiser being poured into the receptacle).
"What now ?" enquires Pinky.
"Well we wait overnight az that's when...when...erm...slugs cum 2 drink...az they like eet a bit on the stale side." Moonpig  smiles widely, which is quite infectious in an idiomatic way :D...Pinky smiles too...widely, told you!!!!
"Slugs also like 2...swim in eet...(adds underbreath so as pinky friend will not hear "Once in they'll drown and az iz messy, add eet 2 ur compost heap.") Moony sniggers.
Pinky follows her green friend to his kitchen where he starts to make Extract of Yucca.
"That seems interesting Moony what are you making ?" oinks Pinky.
"Iz extract of yucca and iz repugnant 2 slugs so if they doe like the Budweiser....(witters on a bit)...sew we stick 1 leaf of yucca in2 a food processor, process so,(switches on)...whirl whirl whirl! (noise of processor) then mix wiv water, Slosh splash slush! (noise of...do i really have to tell you ?)...then fill up ur spray gun and blast ur plants!" grunts Moony..."If all else fails fill ur garden wiv plants that slugs dislike."
Pinky turns in disgust to go home.
"Woz the matter ? " 
"Not sure but i don't think you're telling the whole truth." Witters Pinky.
"oooOOOooo." exclaims Moonpig."tiss the truth i like slugs (drools) :) 

No slugs and snails here !!

Time passes....

So after getting rid of slugs, snails and other nasties except for....caterpillars. Better watch out Moonpig !!!

Know Your Enemy ... part 2 of 3

Part 2 of 3

Moonpig got out a notepad and a pencil (so he can rub out mistakes in spelling ;) ) He starts to scribble away making...notes. Title at top of note pad reads...ENEMY

PROFILE. Underneath he writes...SLUG: 0-6 inches long (0-15cm). Keeping in a neat descending line he continues to write, SPEED: 0.007mph (0.0113 kmph). REPRODUCTION: over 100 eggs per year. LIFESPAN: 2-7 years. HABITAT: Dark, moist shelters wiv a constant supply of tasty plants. HABITS: Destroying plants, leaving slime trails and eating worms, and worse, dead slugs. WEAPONS: Ability 2 camouflage and attack under darkness, an unsatiable appetite az can eat eet's own body weight in a day and az 27,000 teeth. LIKES:Beer, grapefruit rind and cabbage. DISLIKES: Salt. ENEMIES:Birds, frogs and badgers. PREY:Succulent green leaves (particularly delphiniums and hostas but not fussy) and av a penchant, fondness, or passion (all 3 if u like) 4 skins of citrus fruit where they gather 2gether underneath them so u can collect them all up and dispose of them az u c fit.
"But snails are really interesting!" protests Pinky looking glum."They are hermaphrodites and some can even live up to 25 years Moony...and they must find a snail partner to mate with."
"Not on my patch they can't." Grunted Moony "Any roads, me meself am partial 2 a slug or 2" Drools at thought!!!
"But you can't eat my pets! They belong to me and...and...[Pinky sniffs and her chin begins to wobble a sure sign that tears will follow].
"Just keep them in their vivarian and there will b no problem."sighs Moonpig...then drools!
Pinky follows Moonpig outside. He has something in his trotter which Pinky can't quite make out ? It seems like leftovers from his breakfast drink. So....
"What's that you got Moony and what you doing with it ?"

Slug holiday camp ?

"Iz a grapefruit skin Pinky. I ad eet for breakfast and cut the peel in half C ? Now i'll make sum small holes in 'em and make 'em look like play houses for gastropods." Moony places the two halves on the soil nearby to where some juicy lettuce leaves are attempting, aiming, endeavouring...maybe all three' to grow :)
"That looks very inviting Moony" and Pinky claps her trotters in delight!
"Yeah, and in the next 2 days we go and turn the peels over where the slugs av huddled 2gether enjoying the erm...juice woz left in 'em then we collect up the slugs...and dispose of 'em and we con either make a slug smoothie or hang 'em ot 2 dry by pegging 'em on the washing line we use 4 drying curtains or cushions...definitely, unmistakably or undeniably, all 3 maybe az no clothes are worn by uz pigs, says so in rule number 3 in me Animal Farm rule book !!!
"Then what ?" Pinky trembled!!!

Hang 'em high 

"Then we watch az they wriggle and sway gently in the warm breeze and dry out and die in the sun...then eat 'em" grunts Moonpig.
"That's cruel." blubbered Pinky snivelling and wiping her snout with her trotter.
"Look...u eats plums, yeah ? Well u eats dried plums and call 'em prunes...same fing ain't eet ! Sow, woz ur problem ???"

....2 b cont.

Know Your Enemy ... Part 1 of 3

Part 1

After a long hard winter, there's nothing like seeing your farmland, (that's land typically devoted to agriculture with good soil) full of organic material from the manure off your livestock to produce food in abundance to sell to the farmies that buy from our farms on Myfreefarm. Of course the garden set aside for...smaller crops of radish, lettuce, spring onions and what-not is also important so don't worry if you have just a small garden or a few acres or more.....

Moonpig taps away at his laptop and reads up on...farming.

"Hmm, says ear that the work of the American Farmland Trust points 2 several reasons y 'aving a high quantity of rich biological components and by 'aving a balance of sand, clay, dirt and rock that provides a stable well-drained environment 4 plants, works well." Moonpig further oinks, "They (the American Farmland Trust) not only work 2 preserve farmland but, 2 promote community and small family farms, protect local food systems, promote sound stewardship, and preserve water and soil quality." A few more taps of the laptop and...Moonpig logs off.

"Humpf! The job of supervising and taking care of sum-fing i con do meself fanks very much. And...i'll keep me pd, (Pd = Potato  Dollar =  money used on Myfreefarm) 2 use az i c fit!!!" Grunts Moony frowing  like that  ^>@<^ . His membership of the American Farmland Trust seems to of run out and special offers and promotions will no longer be sent to him. Moonpig examines his little garden plot where he grows what he reckons is the best for himself and his kitchen. Newly formed shoots of untouched {so far}, unwilted, and firm, maybe all three :) AND veggies are starting to appear everywhere, but the moist soil are heaven for slugs!!! So better keep that in mind Moonpig!

Moonpig switches on the TV as a gardening program is about to start and he might...just might, pick up a few tips.....

''Has your delphinium been devoured ? Has you lettuce lost it's leaves ? Is your vegetable patch a slimy slug banquet ? And are you sick of losing the battle ? Fear not, help is at hand (or trotter in Moony's case) with 50 ways to stop even the cleverest of gastropods in it's tracks! (The gastropods, more commonly known as snails and slugs, and a lot more)'', belted out the television...'Blah de blah de blah!' went out the advice from the everyday farmie gardener on the TV. (Farmies are the little people who come direct to our farms...but only pay a pittance so, best to fill out a contract to fellow pig or sell directly in the market) followed by "so if all else fails...go out into your garden with a heavy book. Locate a slug (or snail) remove it from among your plants, placing the book unopened on top of the slug and squelch down with your foot (trotter in Moonpig's case). Then flick off the dead remains. Finally, wipe down your book!"

"Wot a load of rubbish."oinked Moonpig switching the telly off.

"What's a load of rubbish ?"piped up Pinky.

Moonpig turned round to face his best pal Pinky...

"Oh, just woz watching somat on telly on how 2 get rid of gastropods outa ur veggie patch." grunted Moonpig.

Now, Pinky has two pets in Moonpig's clubhouse in a tank. One is Slugger...a slug...another is Sammy...a snail.

"Oh but they are so CUTE." smiled Pinky.

"Yeah well u ad better make sure ur pets don't escape." oinks Moonpig casting a glancing eye at Pinky. 

Pinky caught it and threw it back :) ....2 b continued