Supper ... part 3 of 4

Part 3 of 4

..."HELLO" shouts me pinky friend, any one  home!!?!!

"Oh sorry juz got erm..er...work on me mind (hehe!) I havent decided where 2 go...maybe Lapland orrrr the Mediterranean...or even Africa!"

dreaming of somewhere WARM !

"Oh" says friend, it gets really really cold in Lapland (shivers even though sitting by nice roarin' fire) ROAR! ROAR! (sound of fire er...roaring :) ) I've been, & if u rent an Italian car....it will not start...2 cold u c."

Moonpig oinks,"Erm, wot 'bout if i rented a BIG American car ?"

"Right! But if it falls to -18 % C...it will not start either! German cars are better....till temperature drops to...-26 % C."

"U seem very knowledgeable friend." grunts Moony.

"Oh yes, i've been there, done it & got the T-shirt"...big grin breaks out on me friends face :)... friend carries on, "once because of the cold i had to take my car to bed with me!!& the cat jumped in too! Erm...no sheets on bed honest."

"Well thiz iz all very ...er..er...interesting. Actually no animal shall sleep in a bed with sheets says so in me Animal Farm rule book here"....points to rule number 4. Mutters under breath, "think 2 much cheese iz making me friend go do-la lally!" ...2 b cont.

Supper ... part 2 of 4

Part 2 of 4

"Thats amazing skills you got there Moony" says friend.

"Why thx....watch wot i can do wiv this cleaver,"...zwisshh zwisshh zwisshh(noise of cleaver)"da daaa! & when i frow eet up wiv these other knifes and stuff, i can do thissss!" Zzzwwosh Zzzwwosh. (noise of erm utensils in mid air)"da daaa!...hey! where u go ?"
 Pink piggy friend comes out from under the table with worried look on face.

X-pert juggler

"Oh there u r, come sit by the fire ear i done sum cheese & crackers 2."

"U shouldn't of gone to so much trouble Moony,(stuffs as many as mouth will hold & more) chunters something unintelligible pointing to coffee table. Holiday brochures lay strewn across & piggy friend manages to come back up for air & b-tween gasps oinks "You thinking of going away for a bit then?"
I whisper under me breath, "dont need 2 go away 4 a bit when Blossom iz in me factory. She nice curvy sow (drools)...2 b continued

Supper ... part 1 of 4

Part 1 of 4

Chatting 2 me pink piggy friend 1 early evening ..I says 'u must come round 4 supper 2nite.'

Friend says, 'that sounds erm great' ( said with not much enthusiasm remembering the meal i served the last time).

...sooo, supper time came & u rang the doorbell or knocked the knocker...actually u did both....
"Cum in" says i, "Lancaster or Cheshire ?"

"Er Kent actually just outside Maidstone" says friend(puzzled look ).

which cheese do u want?

"No...i meant which cheese do u like?" :).

"Oh,Cheshire" says friend...who was wondering if had inadvertly stumbled into a Wallace & Gromit film by mistake.
"Shall i stand here & watch you while you er, umm cook or do you need some help Moony?"

Hacks away at bread

"No u can watch, hack! hack! (hacks away at bread with a stanley knife),,slap! slap! (slaps cheese onto the bread) ,,splidge! splodge! (puts mustard on top) & grills it, almost to the point of needing assistance from the fire brigade!

 "Here u r pinky friend, wot u think of me culinary skills ?" :)

"Oh great, yum yum" you says putting the whole slice into your mouth scoffing it up like a..a..like a pig & talking with mouth full & spitting out words like this = mmuff beffa thenff nannthf thinff ithf tasffhed boreff...Translation went something like this = much better then anything tasted before. Think thats what was meant ?...2 b cont.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 13 of 13

Part 13 of 13

...I looked round at u signalling 2 me 2 come...so i made a break 4 it (might come in handy on a car) ran up ramp & closed door 2 UFO & sat in seat...started up engines ...making sure friend was seated... switched on engines...Vzhzhzhzhzhzh! (sound of well maintained thruster engines)...UFO began 2 hover &...Zhhooosh! off we went in2 the reddish sky.

"K,i'll set a corz 4 Earth....warp 9....engage...

"No i am single at present." said friend.

"Wot present ? cant c 1 ?" (scratched me erm..err head), woz talking at ...erm..er...right angles again fink ? Got back 2 Earth and landed WHEEee like that, breathed a sigh of relief... eeerrhh! (Big sigh)...like that... & got out of UFO.

"Erm...wots that ! (points 2 ..erm..splodge on UFO).

Splish splosh

"I don't know ?" says piggy friend. 

"Hmm, better get sum soapy water & wash eet orf,"....came back wiv bucket of soapy water but cudnt c anyfing 2 wash orf...(scratched erm...butt )..."Hey friend" I oinked, "av u cleaned me UFO 4 me ?"...But friend woz already out of ear shot trotting off home 4 T...."Aw thats nice of friend aint it" ....Didnt c splodge slip sliding in2 the depths of me soil in cornfield.

End....or woz eet just a beginning of another

GREATLY magnified green splodge thingy sinks in2 Earth's soil

adventure ? Only time will tell !& stomach tellin' me ...time 4 T.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 12 of 13

Part 12

....peered out &...."Hey!! Thats where we left our UFO, (points in direction) i reck-cog-nize that erm...rock....cum on quick!!"

"I'm coming I'm coming"

"Well follow me !"...run run run run (thats us  running)....when SUDDENLY ! Mutant crickets flew in front of us & started 2 gnash their teeth....Gnash Gnash!...like that....Moonpig got out erm er ...orange pistol...swicckkk! (noise of erm...quick drawn pistol)....& took some shots at mutant crickets....Splat! splat!...like that...then heard me friend grunty shout, "aim 4 the spot b-hind their eyes Moony"...Soooo took aim & Splat!...fired at spots b-hind eyes....A death screaming erm...scream emitted from 1...OUCH! (it said hehe), & it started 2 MELT b4 our eyes....Twas a horrible sight...all gooey sticky slime erm...fell like big puddle of primeval gunge.

melty primeval gunge

"Quick Quick" oinked i "creep round in2 the UFO while i hold 'em orf"....creep creep creep went me friend az i held off other mutant crickets ....heard a big grunty squealy oink....2 b cont...

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 11 of 13

Part 11

....Moonpig reads..."U az 2...squirt freshly squeezed orange juice at a dark spot b-hind their eyes.....Soooo where r we gona get 2 get freshly squeezed orange juice from ?"

I hears a noise....peel peel....chobble chobble.

"Doe know" says friend eatin' a freshly peeled orange.

"HEY! Where u get that orange from ?"

peels an orange

"Wot ? This orange?" (shoves chewed orange or wotz left under me snout).

"Yeah that erm...orange !!"

 "From that fruit bowl over there" (nods in direction).

"Well i never saw that! Help me squeeze rest of oranges so we con use the juice in this"...da darrr! (shows me friend a...erm...water pistol i got out of me pocket).

"ooOOoo, you do keep a lot of useful things in your pocket Moony.

Squilch, Squalch, squelch, squolch, squulch ..........( noise of squeezing juice out of oranges & used up whole of vowels :) )....then....filled up water pistol with the freshly squeezed Tropi-kar-nar orange juice), & opened the door ...slowly...eeerrrph (noise of door opening )....2 b cont

Nav-oo r4 ... part 10 of 13

Part 10

....Landed on terra-firma.

"Quick! Lets get our bearings"squealed Moonpig.
....so you me best friend fumbled in your pocket & handed/trottered over 2 me a few...erm
...marbles...
"Thats all i got" says me little pink friend.

"Erm thats...cool thx...erm...that way" (points with trotters & jerk of head).

"Yoy doing a dance Moony ?"

"Nah...that way....run i can hear the cricket mutants comin"....[run-run-run-run, puff-pant-puff-pant] "Look!

must have good eye sight- says friend

 i can c an hinge in that rock" :)...sooo felt round 4 a door & eeerrrph! (noise of rock door opening).
"Quick get in" says i pulling friend in by the ears, then closed rock door b-hind,...mrmpt! (noise of rock door er...closing).

It was pitch black soooo fumbled around 4 a switch....fumble fumble...

"Get off me" says friend...

"Soz" says i, "am juz feeling 4 a light switch :)...r...here it is"...click!...looked around & wos in a small room wiv desk & chair....& on the desk woz a note...so picked it up & read it!...it said...the only way 2 kill the mutant crickets is to.....2 b cont.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 9 of 13

Part 9

I got me Galactic Translator out me pocket & switched it on...click...& wiv our backs scraping along the walls of the ruins & wiv NO means of escape....all we cud do was ....listen az they advanced....from all sides...& az they seemed 2 b smiling...thought..think they 4gave us 4 trying 2 kill em wiv our weapons & treat uz wiv sum respect but...& Galactic Translator was churning out

Galactic Translator

er...erm...translation which went = Who's 4 a nice piece of roast pork then or shall we eat 'em raw...been a long time since we had fresh meat...it will make a change from gnawing dry old bones...
Both of uz 2gether said.."GULP!" & looked at each other....then i did somat i ad never done b4....i stamped me little trotters on the ground real hard got u 2 join in & a hole opened up & me & me friend fell down it.....down down down....we fell...."AHHGGhhhh ARGHHHHHhhh" we squealed till...fump! fump !(noise of er...er...us landing on butts)....where were we ?....2 b cont

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 8 of 13

Part 8

Look at them LEGS!

...."them legs b-longed 2 biggest crickets or locusts I ever did c !!! Them am Mutant crickets them am."& me friend pushed me infront & crickets looked & came 2wards us..."Pig-in-el"...we FROZE 2 spot so i stuttered out words like...'We come in peace' & put on a scared smile (we allowed 2 wear them 2 :))

....then I grabbed me friend & whispered in friends ear "shoot 2 kill...its either them or us !!"

 Soooo there we were...pow powing & zap zapping...pow pow zap zap, (noise of Dermal Regenerator Plasma Ray Gun)& me using me Light Sabre, zzooouuh,zuushshsh,(noise of Light Sabre) & we woz ducking & diving b-hind ANY cover of crumbling ruins we cud get. 'They' the cricket/locust mutants came after uz wiv little apparent damage. Soooo i oinky shouts out 2 them,'we're peaceful x-plorers'& put on me non-threatening x-pression.....but that didnt hang true wiv them somehow.Then they made a terrible din wiv wings & feet & got nearer & nearer &....2 b cont.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 7 of 13

Part 7

"Quick friend, run back  2 UFO & get that Dermal Regenerator Plasma Ray Gun...oh...& better bring the Light Sabre 2"
....run-run-run-run...
"Here Moony."
"thx, lez go & check those ruins c if any 'life' iz hiding there...i'll erm...guard ur rear, u go in front (made an after u sign with jerk of me head) i dont mind b-ing in danger"....although i still wud of preferred 2 have a front tooth x-trakted without an-s-thet-ik by an ageing dentist who'd been struck off the register 4 dubious work practises...As we got closer, cud hear the sound like 'chirping' or possibly 'buzzing' of sum kind maybe a mixture of the 2 & on way saw lots of...BONES...wiz...wiv

GNAW marks on 'em...This is bad fort i to self...az i peered thru where door shud of been."Wot con u c says I ?" to friend.
"erm...Legs" says me friend.
"Dont b silly let me take another look," so put me specs on, ~0-0~ , corz we'm allowed 2 wear specs 4 a minute we aint breaking any Animal Farm rule (mainly corz i cant find anything in the rules 2 say otherwise) "Eeky-oink-oink!...them legs."squeals Moony.....2 b cont.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 6 of 13

Part 6 of 13

Signs Of Life Detector

"Hmm! Lets just switch on THIS other little thing... Click! (shows friend)Made thiz when ad nuffing 2 do, i call it S.O.L.D....thaz short 4 Signs Of Life Detector."

"Ohh you are clever Moonpig!"oinks piggy friend.

"Juz made wiv left over scrap from wot i got from scrapyard 4 other thing....plus a few ... other spare parts i found on me UFO when i rummaged thru drawers." smirked ;) like that! Moonpig continues, "Reason y planet sky looks red iz coz of all the tons of dust in at-moss-fear :) which blocks out light 2 planet, but most of planet iz red.(points 2 ground)

Red Sky

"Wait a min" says piggy friend,"that means that the temperature of this planet will plummet at night & we will b FROZE !!!"

"Nah !  s'awl rite dont tell any 1 but in UFO i av sum thermal underwear (according 2 Animal Farm trotter book...pigs aint supposed 2 wear clothes ! ) & if the need arises >@^ (winks) we can erm...erm   wrap em around us" :)  ...Bleep bleep-ill bleep-ill BLEEP! 
"Whats that!" Noise startled me piggy friend & eyes went large O@O like that.

"Iz this fing ear," (points to S.O.L.D) waves it to & fro, "Means we av signs of life!!!"....2 b cont...

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 5 of 13

Nav-oo-r4:Part 5

"Theres the planet dead ahead (points with trotters) the 1 wiv wot looks like stripes...past the golden planet can u c it me friend?"

"Yup."

Nav-oo-r4...dead ahead

"We may az well land on eet & av a look around, mite find somat interesting fink?"...

Reverse thrusters! Hzhzhzhzhzhz....WHEEeee! (sound of UFO landing)

"Oooo",friend says, "planet looks erm...an errie RED! I wasnt expecting that!"

"Yup, like Mars (not the chocolate variety ! ) &...i av this!" Pulls out a 'thingy' from pocket. "I call eet me P.H.D.D.,thaz a Planet History Detector Device, made eet from sum bits & bobs i got from a scrapyard look yer." (shows device 2 me piggy friend)

"How does it work then ?" friend says?

P.H.D.D.

"Well u just twiddle a few knobs .... twiddle ...twiddle...& enter in a few numbers...enter enter...lol...(pointed it at a stone on floor & came up with a little history of planet Nav-oo-r4)....says here (points 2 PHDD)there woz many eons ago, a war of the nuclear type...just look at those ruins over there!" (nods in direction).

Friend says "Whoa! Is this planet still dangerous??of the nuclear sort??".....2b cont.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 4 of 13

Nav-oo-r4: Part 4 of 13

Space Sat Nav

...Zhhooosh! UFO set off real fast like warp 8...Moonpig falls on 2 control panel & grapples with trotters BUT accidentally punches in code on Space Sat Nav....&...&..."Squeal!" squealed Moonpig as both get their balance..."Did knot know i ad spent all that! Wait till i c me bank manager"(get it ?).

loosing ones balance

"And just you wait till i c mine" oinked friend...."Soz Moony" says me friend cringing,waiting for a blow to ears or butt.
"Hey, you gone a funny colour Moony"....ducks again just in case.

"Never mind 4 now i'll deal wiv u L8r"....taps instruments with trotters...tap tap! & calcu-L8s space & Timeinfinity on Space Sat Nav..."Hmm fink we r headed 4 a planet called Nav-oo-r4 !!...or near abouts." :(  

"Can't you reset it to take you home to planet Zork?"

"Sighs!...No...I need the co-ordinates & they got erased from memory bank & i cant remember them...[sniff sniffle sniff]...have 2 ride eet out till we get 2 where we going"..[sigh].....2 b cont. 

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 3 of 13

Nav-oo-r4: Part 3 of 13

"Rite, juz cum over ear & hold on2 thiz....thats rite....good, now, dont move!...errrth!errth!(sound of...erm  x-ersion)K...thaz screwed in nicely...now touch thiz wiv ur trotter (points), while i go & switch on the ElectroTransport Noduals.

"I...I...I'm not sure about doing that Moony. What if someone is looking & i aint doing it properly!!"

"No 1 can c us ear...(oinky chuckle) winked I  >@^ .

"Just this one time then" oinked pinky friend....& with that...an electrifying bolt of...of...erm...er...well a blue light sort of shot across the ceiling, bounced orf friends head, which toppled me friend over hitting a black box wiv a purple button ....which in turn ... x-panded the Density Intelligence Complex ...&...at the same time BIG vibration .... WOAMMMMM! & friend stuck out trotters...which set off the thruster engines ...Vzhzhzhzh(noise of well maintained thruster engines)....2 b cont.

Nav-oo-r4 ... part 2 of 13

Nav-oo-r4 :Part 2 of 13

...."Yup sure am" said me friend.

"Cum on then, btw wots ur t-pot look like?" Friend must of mistook question coz friend said half as much again & grunted....Erm..er...Blank looks all round (who is Blank anyway?)Sooo...climbed in2 UFO,pulled up stairway & shut door Clunkkk!(noise of door...er...shutting).

"My, its very deceptive. Theres LOTS of space in here" says me piggy friend, moving around & erm...observing all the controls.

Wow! Lots of controls !

"DONT touch that" I grunts loudly making me friend a little nervous.

"Whats that ?" said me pinky friend, pointing with trotters..."Iz a little nervous I juz made 4  U" says I...laffin'..."Put eet in ur pocket....u do have a pocket dont u ?"

DONT touch

"Cause i do" you sniffed  as your chin b-gan to wobble & a sobby sniff was stifled.

"K...K...am still trying 2 fit in on Earth so u av 2 x-cuze me & me er...erm...pig-or-rith-ems :).

Sniff sniff honk! (me friend wipes snout with back of trotter)"What you want me t0 do then Moony?"....2 b cont.

An epic adventure-Nav-oo-r4 ... part 1 of 13

Nav-oo-r4 :Part 1 of 13

Well over the last few days i av been working in me UFO.....been av-ing a bit of trouble wiv 1 of the Electromagnetic Filaments...eet needs a bit of precision layering just about...( sticks tongue out of corner of mouth...in deep concentration)...HERE...

then av 2 collapse the Photonic Infinity Probes 2 make eet more accessible 2 the warp enhancers...then optimize the Light Wave Chips (made me feel HUNGRY)....Clunk Clunk! Clatter fump!...there now i av 2 get the cover off me cushions on seat here & wash em.
 Back at farm house stuck covers in sink & add wash powder....twiddle & thumped 'em a bit till dirt came out, hung on line 2 dry ( me covers not me)...then heard a noise...came from me cornfield where i keep me UFO...wiv the cloaking device on...of corz...looked & cud c U (me friend)..singing....listen....

 # (# = singing, remember ?) "am a little t-pot....short & stout..oink oink oink...heres me handle heres me spout."

Strange words fort I...VVVvvump!(noise of me speeding over) Sped over as fast as i cud go & almost knocking over friend said, "Hey I cud do wiv an x-tra pair of trotters 2 help me wiv minor operations on UFO...r u up 4 it?"...2 b cont.

Home Cooking...part 4 of 4

Home Cooking:Part 4 of 4

Its a tall Telescopic Angled Branch Lopper (smiles at u).Jobs can b tackled from the ground without the use of a ladder!!!
---Friend  says Wow thats neat....mrmpt!(noise of shed door closing).Ooo says piggy friend u have butterfly bushes 2 (looks impressed,'00' like that...big eyes )I dont think i cud manage a garden so big :( have u any tips 4 a low maintenance garden Moony?
---Yup,throw gravel all over it! hehe.
---Think i'll b going home now i still feel a bit queazy says me friend.
---Let me take u home in me car---
---No NO! i dont want 2 put u out!
---No it wont b no trouble says I.
---Er...b sides the fresh air will...will do me good.
---K...u must come again...4 a meal i shout as me pinky friend hastily makes way down path.

Home Cooking ... part 3 of 4

Home Cooking: Part 3 of 4

Cud hear sounds of ....retching!.I poked my head in2 toilet (just the room it was in)& said 2 friend OOoo didnt know u had a upset tummy...we cud of made arrangements 4 another day u know or i cud of cooked somat more calming like Centipede on toast.

My friend turns green(nice colour) & puts head back over toilet again....Finally me piggy friend appears.

Here...let me get u a nice drink...its just strawberry wine...might settle ur tummy...Glug glugglugglug glug!(noise of drink b-ing poured) there u r        

...let me show u my garden Ive planted...get some fresh air eh!...They go outside 2 1/2 an acre patch all filled with flowers & things.

---Ohh! says me friend u have worked hard,i like ur sundial.

---Thx says I...i have daffodills,bluebells & tulips here ..&.. over there is a space 4 me herb garden (points with trotters)...got mint,dill,sage & basil already c.Over here is me pagoda with clematis & honeysuckle growing up & i keeps in this shed,(opens shed ) me latest tool...2 b cont...

Home Cooking ... part 2 of 4

Home Cooking: Part 2 of 4

Oh those were just starters,main meal is in oven almost done.Hey u havent said much?

Friend says 'where's the toilet...just in case'.

----Over there (pointing).Moony gets meal out of oven & places it on the table plonk! (noise of meal placed on table).

Me piggy friend claps  trotters 2gether in delight 'That looks good'.

---Thx eat up then...

...munch munch crunch slurp...Burp! Pardon. Friend says 'That was Dee-Licious!'(licks lips & wipes trotters across mouth)'What did u say it was called ?

---I'll give u the recipe if u like says I. It's called 'Dungbeetle Sakmi',main ingredients r dungbeetle & peppered lady-bird with scarab beetle gravy! Heard a noise!! SCRAPE..(noise of chair moving cross floor...fast!) was friend, with trotters in front of mouth running off 2 toilet...2 b cont.

Home cooking ... part 1 of 4

Part 1 of 4

Moonpig's Kitchen

Glad u cud make it me friend,come in i hope ur hungry!...Smells from kitchen waft in...onions,garlic spices...&...lets say other 'things'.Sit here plz...plonk! (noise of u sitting on chair)...we have Sun-Dried Termites spiced with hot pepper,Grasshoppers served with 

Mmm dee-lish-us

tomatoes,onion rings& basil,they r a delicacy but u have 2 take their legs & wings off 1st & just simmer in water.....No dont jump in the cooking pot....the Grasshoppers simmer in water! Erm....also we got...Tar Daa!(big build up)Caterpillars...mm MMM!They have lots of nutrition friend.

----Er...looks interesting Moony

---Yep!They contain more than double the protein of beef & they r rich in lots of other things 2 like calcium,iron,Zinc,..mumble mumble whine whine( Moony really drags on bout this)....

Me pink friend says i dont think i've ate them b 4?

---Well theres a 1st time 4 everything (hehe!) & eating insects is...is environmentally friendly....dont u think? Give 'em a try go on tuck in.....2 b cont.

Moonpig Gets His Wheels ... part 5 of 5

Moonpig Gets His Wheels :Part 5 of 5

"Any time u want a lift" shouts i..."dont hesitate...2 ask..4....1....(???) Where u go ?"
 Looks round & just about catches sight of  friend dashing up the road....&....gone!..into the distance.
"Well i may az well go home." ...backhome...Moonpig hums to himself..."Hmm hmmm hm hmmm." (like that :) ) & brings out a bucket of soapy water & a shammy to wash his pride & joy...Pearl...also talks 2 car while washing her.   
"R, u r a Beaut ... & i think me friend likes u
2."
Splosh! slosh! Does the wheels..next..Policepigstable walks onto farm house of Moonpig.
"He says hello hello hello." He oinks.
I looks round 2 C if we have been joined by  3 friends(where bin they then?).
"Oh hi officer." (i give him a big smile :) )
"Just making inquiries (says he), I have had reports of a green car speeding through Mootown (& he bends his knees {do pigs have knees? } ...3 times)
"Oh!" oinks i "& do u really fink me car (points 2 Pearl) can speed?"
"Hmm..hmmm..."He starts to laugh "Lol, no, not that 3 wheeler its ridiculous"...Policepigstable laughs again & says "sorry to of troubled you but i have to follow these things up. Ha ha! Bye"
...He leaves shaking his head...
I talk 2 Pearl reassuring her & wait till he (policepigstable) gets out of sight then i falls on floor laughing loudly, "oinky oinky oink oink!"...the end

Moonpig Gets His Wheels ... part 4 of 5

Moonpig Gets His Wheels: Part 4 of 5

"Hope u gotta driving licence Moony,2 show policepigstables" says piggy friend.
"What license?" oinks Moonpig.
"Well have you got it taxed & insured then?" Puzzled look from moonpig...then, "Ooo look at the pretty lights they got on police car...have 2 get me some...Hmm green 1's me thinks."
Friend says,"You'd better not stop if you ain't got all them documents else you'll be thrown into prison!"
"Ooo look me little piggy friend, think they want 2 race wiv uz. Hehe, we'll show 'em."
Moonpig slams his trotters down hard on eccelerater. WHOOOOOSH!
"How you do that Moony? How come this little car can go so FAASSSTTT ?" You hold on to everything & boy ...you look pale.
"Oh ,s'ezy..i converted the engine 2 take Fodder Beet Juice...eet dont 1/2 work, look we lost the police car hehe!" Moonpig carries on speeding WHOOSH! Over railway lines as barrier starts 2 come down.
"OINK!" You squeal...
"Wow u gone even paler r u feeling ok ?"
"Just drop me off here Moony, i need to get some ...er...erm...exercise...PLEASE!"
"K if thaz wot u want." ERRRRck! Car comes to a halt & friend gets out...no jumps out...no dives out the door...just in case....2 b cont....

Moonpig gets His Wheels ... part 3 of 5

Moonpig Gets His Wheels:Part 3 of 5

Me piggy friend hangs on2 open windows 4 dear life (whoever that may b...lol), as Moonpig seems unaware of ANY traffic rules & regulations.
"Get out of the road," oinks Moony...shouting 'jay-walker' 2 'em 2 lol. Tyres screech EEEeeerrhh!(noise of er...screechy tyres)as Moony goes round island (MUCH 2 fast).

"I am sure we dont go round the island THAT way!" screams friend. "Nor should you go through RED traffic lights!"

"Look...whos driving! U want a go?" (pulls out driving wheel & passes it friend). 
SILENCE ! 
"I take it thaz a 'no' then...take ur trotters orf ur eyes & enjoy the view!! "says Moonpig.

Me pink friend screams "Watch out 4 the zebra crossing! Argh!"

"Wot zebra crossing?(scratches head) can juz C farmies(them who come & buy from our farms) running all over pretty black & white road bit here. They shud hurry up more, cant stop u know...now where r the brakes?" Moony looks down at pedals...

"AARRGGHH!" squeals piggy friend....wee-bar wee-bar wee-bar (noise of pursuing police car)......2 b cont.

Moonpig Gets His Wheels ... part 2 of 5

Moonpig Gets his Wheels:Part 2 of 5

"Oh hi piggy friend have u come 2 c my 'wheels' hehe...Wot yer think? Real beaut aint she." (pats car lovingly & smiles broadly).
Piggy friend  says "well i think it must b 1 of a...(swallows hard GULP! like that)..kind .Does it go?"

"What yer mean...does it go! (hurt look on face) Jump in passenger side & we go 4 a spin lol!"
Shoves me friend in & slams door shut...BANG! SLAM! (like that), then jumps in2 drivers side.
Nice&cosyallsquashedup2getherlike.

"What u doing moony?"

"Am just gona start the engine."

"But u havent got a key!"

"Dont need 1 just have 2 connect these 2 wires here hanging from dashboard like i was shown", & Splutter splutter !

 Bang Bang! (car springs 1n2 life).Moonpig puts his trotters 2 pedals & Zooooms away...off like a..a...rocket....2 b cont.

Moonpig Gets His Wheels ... part 1 of 5

Moonpig Gets His Wheels: 1 of 5

Guess what!!! I just got me this nice vehicle...man said it was a good run around..think thats what he said. Anyway my UFO frightens the goats,sheep,hens & cows on different farms round here, even when i have me cloaking device on they can sense the HUM of the engines....sooo i got THIS!!(smiles broadly & turns 2 car).

With a few pd & loads of veggies & stuff...traded 'em in 4 a very 'desirable' motor...so says the car dealer & he shud know what hes on 'bout :)....so i bought it fast b 4 any 1 else cud snap up the bargain.Its rocket or wedge shaped & has 3 wheels,so it can go faster.Less drag then a 4 wheeled 1 so am told :) But most important is...its nice green colour! Bet u r turning green with envy eh ! 

It..er...erm..was gona say it goes like a bomb but on 2nd thoughts it sounds like a bomb & all this smoke comes from it.Great eh! Bet i made u even more jealouser ! LOL.Yep! Shes a 'beaut' & have given her a name...Pearl.Coz am told thats what humans do...give their cars a name :)......2 b cont.

Bird Spotting ... part 3 of 3

Bird Spotting :Part 3 of 3

Time 2 go home its getting dark.

Friend says, "Well we should see some birds who come out at night right?"

"Yup, Oo look a Tawnygale...taz silent wings and a big thingy...lol...erm beak!....Over there is a flock of Starmingers making shapes in the sky with felt pens...dirty mucky bids they bin!"
Turning 4 home we spot a Bat-winged-plover coating his wings with steel(so thats how they came up with Batfink then!) Chirrup chirrup....rrrrr a Mistyrob pretty bird with a red bum. It makes its nest in T-pots. Almost home,...chiff chaff chiff chaff...R the unmistakable call of the Nightbar....So now u have improved ur knowledge of our feathered friends :)

Bird Spotting ... part 2 of 3

Bird Spotting : 2 of 3

watch out 4 that fox

"Whats that bird over there?" says you. "Hmm," i consult me bird book...mmmnn mmnnn (me reading in undertone)its a Collared pigmy sparrow..it az a thin black stripe round its neck (az some1 been drawing on it i wonder ? ), "& its wings r checked." oinks i. 

"Oh dear a big Bladdy Loodle has just swept down on eet & iz now taking eet 4 a meal probably a McDonalds happy meal" continues i "but dont look!" Feathers every where....we get down on our tummys & look 4 the next bird 2 appear..."listen ,chik-chik-er-rare-ker...a beautiful pink bird with a black head" Consults bird book...."Yup a Nuttock" (if am not mistaken :) & am never am)....then a flock of Goldthrushins fly over..."Wow  we both oink!"
 "Thats a sight 2 C"oinks Moonpig...we have a rest & get the thermos flask out....2 b cont

Bird Spotting ... part 1 of 3

Bird Spotting: 1 of  3

Come along wiv me thru the woods & erm ...trees :) & c if u can spot a few birds wiv me....az we get near the woods we ear (wrong spelling of earth word) a cry of a bird listen...twit-twitter-twit...thats the Blue-spotted bull twit,,,:)....we go a bit further...Crawk crawk....thats a Prong-tailed twit....I brought me bird spotter book with me c sooo...cant go wrong ;)...in2 a clearing we come across a pond,

LOOK over there at that Reed Wallard .. thats a duck. Then we looked up into the sky & saw a Nurd-Dicky a type of Buzzard....

Next we go up a hill and passed thick bushes on one side & heard a toonful noise, tweety tweet tweet...got the binoc's out & spied a green bird, clearly a Greenflinch....bet u glad u came along....2 b cont.

Ice Skating ... part 3 of 3

Ice Skating:Part 3

Every1 was trying 2 avoid me now 

(coz i was getting good at it :) ).I fained a smile :) as u went passed,again.

2Big show off i oinked!!"Shaking me trotters at u...shake shake (hehe).

Then feeling more relaxed i jumped up 2 do a pi-ro-et .On landing(if u can call it that) landed flat on me tummy in the middle of the rink.

I can tell u i saw 1 or 2 flying pink pigs (woz dazed) i had a sore backside which woz getting sorer by the second....every1 was laughing at me & as i tried 2 get up falling over me own trotters Thud!(me falling).

Me piggy friend came over 2 help me up laughing at me pre-dik-er-ment...nothing was broken but me pride.

Ice Skating ... part 2 of 3

Ice Skating: Part 2 of 3

Watch Out!!!!

Whoosh Swish! Swish Whoosh! went i looking rather unsophisticated i wobbled around the ice-rink, hunched over swinging me back trotters looking more like a ice hockey player than a graceful skater....then IT happened...BUMP! against piglets knocking some over, causing others 2 crash in2 each other.
"Squeal"...squealed the poor little piglets...next...i broke thru a couple who woz holding trotters & gazing in2 each others eyes...but i woz more concerned on NOT falling over sew much that i hadnt enuf time 2 apologize...I cud C U at the far end of the rink...so i speeded up round & round the rink till the sound & colours of the skaters massed in2 a whirl like az if i woz on a fast moving merry-go-round. Me friend passed me again saying, "keep up you old goat!"
"Fink u not got ur specs on" i grunt" i am little green pig!.....2 b cont...

Ice Skating ...part 1 of 3

Ice Skating 1 of 3

Hmm, wot shall i do 2day ? R i know i'll go ice-skating...did i tell i u woz good at that ? Well i practiced my skating when pondington woz all froze up...(liar woz on me bum more times than i can count)....

Sooo here i am at local ice-rink, pays me pd & gets me skates.Think i watch a bit....well it looks ee-zz enuf so i go onto rink & stay near the edge 4 a while...the cold from the ice goes right up me jacksy...hehe..there...i goes...feeling a little more confident i push out wiv me blades.

Swinging me trotters out 4 balance like others were doing ...picked up speed. Whoosh! Swish! Whoosh! Swish! passed a smug pig & his family

"O hi piggy friend didnt know u came here?"

"See if you can keep up with me," you said & off you went, wiv me going az fast az little trotters wud go. Dodging piglets & old pigs & quite a few sheep, goats & cows az well.....2 b cont...

dodging quite a few

This is ee zz....Wheee!

The Factory Break In. Part 2

---Baa Baa, moooo, maaar & oinky oink...all erm...chatted az clearing up work got under way...Soon place looked erm...workable again soooo, sum1 remarked "shud get a guard dog" & ...TING! (that a idea) ..idea woz, erm...born.
 Off Moonpig went 2 local hostel 4 homeless drifters of the erm dog kind 2 c if he cud er....entice any dog wiv  promise of job.
 Pay 2 b erm....well c if i con work somat out but took a bone from butchers wiv 

me as an...erm enticement...Am looking 4 a big fierce dog with big fierce voice or smaller dog with big fierce voice as cud not spend 2 much on money of...erm...dog food & smaller dog wudnt eat az much...(am not stupid pig :) .Almost there....came 2 a fork in road so....stopped 2 pick it up & looked 4 knife 2...sooo shud i go 2 the left...or right...??? Went right corz other way shud always b left :)...got out me Robin Reliant..well wasnt walking all that way...got a good deal on this (points 2 car as 'moonpig gets his wheels' story will will tell u). Got 2 hostel & woz eyeing up the dogs...making conversation...selling 'em the job....added comfy life style, blah blah blah etc etc etc! All u az 2 do iz bark if any1 trys 2 get in that shudnt....simplzzz.

---I can do that job wot will u pay me ?
---O here we go again fort i 2 meself. 1 tin of dog food & 6 bikkies a day....& az a bonus u get ALL the water u can drink...also...any scraps u get orf the staff !...(looks smug).Wotz more, u get a kennel wiv a comfy soft bed in....btw u also get ...no days off (mutters i under me breath).Whips out a contract ...whiiiss! (noise of erm contract coming out me pocket) & all u av 2 do is...sign on dotted line, here (points).
Dog looked it over.
Hmm! dont think it con read 2 well fort i. Dog put paw mark on dotted line.Told u it cudnt read well lol.
---K , u gets 2 wear this erm err LOVELY necklace thingy (its ok 4 dogs 2 wear collars),
makes it ALL official like & az name & address of ur er employer on 1 side & on other side az ur name on c (shows dog). Just jump in2 me car & i'll introduce u 2 the workers when i show u round me factory iz a VERY important job thy nowst...

Well...ear it is, come & meet me staff sew u know whos allowed in...Dog wagged its tail....all went well & Cliff says "Wots the dog named ?"
---'Life' says i & btw...turned 2 all staff members ...adds actually Life's a BITCH !!!