X Marks The Spot ... Part 4 of 4

Part 4 of 4

"Look down there, (points down) a small island with just three trees on and what looks like an X as well." squeaky squeals Pinky.

Sharpes eyes !!

"Hmmm ! U az sharp eyes Pinky friend better watch out u dow cut urself." Smirks Moony. 
Moonpig expertly lands the helicopter Chucka Chucka chuckchuck! Rotor blades slows down, stops and Moony turns off engine. Trotting over to the 'X' Moonpig trotters over a shovel to Pinky ( pigs don't have hands as such ! ) 
"What's this you have given me Moony ?" Examines shovel really knowing what Moony is indicating !!!
"Well iz a shovel aint eet," Thunk thunk! (taps shovel with trotter) " and iz a fitting tool 4 digging, lifting, and moving bulk materials, such az soil, coal, gravel, snow, sand, or ore....sooo show me ur best digging motion me little pinky friend." 
Pinky deliberately uses shovel in a 'hopeless' way...she knows how Moonpig works !!!
"O gizz eet ear, (wrong earth spelling but who cares) not like that...like THIS " !! And of course it has the desired effect Pinky had in mind.

X marks the spot ?

Moonpig collapses on the floor and Pinky helps him up.
"Fanks not az fit az i fort i woz." Moonpig wipes the sweat off his face. "Ear, u av a turn u saw how ee-zee i did eet. (lies thru teeth) "Moony shoves the shovel at Pinky...who grudgingly, in a reluctant or resentful manner starts (maybe all three) to dig.
30 minutes later......Clunk ! Pinky hits something with the shovel (no not Moonpig he's not made of metal...then again).
"Ear let me c".
Pinky steps back reluctantly, in an unwilling and hesitant way...(here we go again) maybe all three !
"OOOoooo" exclaims Moony !!!
"What is it, what is it !" squeaky squeals Pinky, clapping trotters and jumping up and down.
 Pinky holds up a...rusty box...complete with a gaping hole!!!

Its a rusty box with a hole, oinks Pinky 

"Tut", oinks Moony "Fink sum 1 got ear b-4 uz
Returning 'home' with empty trotters and sullen faces.....
"Well woz a load of junk probably anyway."oinks Moonpig 
"Right, never mind" Pinky shakes her head, "something else might come to light as you plow next time I think you was very unfortunate." commiserated Pinky "I'm off home now. Bye"
"K, fanks for ur sympathy, pity or solace but i don't fink i'll be doing much plowing," oinks a despondent green pig, in low spirits from loss of hope, courage or a wretched feeling.

mite find somat else, oinks Moonpig :)

Later......Splugggg! Spluggg! gggg ggg gggg...tractor springs into life, smoke billowing out behind...could that be Moonpig plowing??? .... end

X Marks The Spot ... part 3 of 4

Part 3 of 4

"Giz eet ear" grunts Moony grabbing it out of Pinky friends trotters. Pinky thinks with a friend like him, who needs enemies...but as Moony comes from some where far far away (think we might of heard that phrase before ?) Pinky takes it all in her stride...(well there doesn't seem much else she can do !)
"What is it, what is it !" squeals a...shall we say an excited Pinky ? Yes let's :)  We may as well go along with the story.
"Iz a...map" exclaims Moonpig uncurling the tarnished paper or straightening it from a curled position...if you like :)
"Me see, me see. " Squeals a...shall we say an ever excited Pinky again ? Why not !
Moonpig points with his trotters to Paper Map and exclaims, "Says it seems 2 suggest that...X marks the spot."

Lots of treasure ... maybe ?

Pinky manages to take a look at the map..."Seems where ever it is, it's a long way away on an island with three trees."
"So thaz where the treasure will b."Moonpig dreams about all the treasure that may (or may not) be buried there.
Moonpig consults his laptop...sort of...types in...'island with three trees and an X' (see if Google can make head or tails of that!)...and what do you know !!! comes up with a location :)
"Knew Google wudn't let me down." Pats laptop lovingly."Now 2 order a vehicle that con take me there.

The right description!!!!

Pinky jumps up and down excited like oinking "Can I come, can I come ? " 
Looking at her little face how could Moony refuse ? Quite easily as it happens ! But his little brain cells stirs inside his skull..and after 5 seconds grunts" Yup of corz, didn't fink I'd leave u outa this did u ? " Crosses trotters behind back !!!
A short drive to Mootown airfield in Pearl and....
"Come on Pinky, stop closing ur eyes...u'll miss all the erm...fun ?
Pinky stops shaking and half falls and half steps out of the car. Well Moonpig does drive rather like a...like a pig with a demon inside him.
"Cum on Pinky" Moonpig grabs Pinky's trotter and runs over to an awaiting helicopter and jumps in pulling Pinky with him.
"Do you know that you are in the cockpit ? " oinks Pinky.
"Y...u want 2 fly eet ? " Snorts Moonpig glancing briefly at instructions on how to fly an helicopter. "Lez c...down ear is the collective control stick that controls the speed and power of the rotors and (twiddles it) lifts eet orf the ground...2 pedals on the floor to rotate the helicopter 360% or whatever...and makes the tail rudder tilt....cycling control stick 4 main rotor tilt and power...a center console panel in front (mutters and switches helicopter on) sszzszszsz (noise of switch on) Chucka Chucka Chucka (noise of helicopter blades spinning) and UP we go...simplz  :)

Like flying me UFO....almost :)

"Oh, you are so clever Moony" oinks Pinky through gritted teeth, holding on to anything stable. (no horse ;) )
"Nuffin 2 eet...like flying me UFO...almost"
"Well why didn't we go in your UFO ?" shouted Pinky friend over noise of rotating blades.

"Erm...err...well i az the fingy-ma-jig in pieces at the mo sooooo...(mumbles)........2 b cont.

X Marks The Spot ... Part 2 of 4

Part 2 of 4

"Hi Pinky me little pink friend," grunts Moonpig barging into Pinky's farmhouse (first time he has visited Pinky's farmhouse...EVER ! ) plonks the box down...PLONK !...onto a pink table in a pink kitchen with pink stools and a even pinker floor, "Wow nice erm...err...color kitchen & all such other stuff."

Sort of Zebra thingy in Zork zoo !

Pinky wrinkles her snout not knowing if Moony was paying a compliment or not as you can never tell with these foreigners. Moonpig comes from a Galaxy far, far away in another world, on another Planet...Planet Zork to be precise which is inhabited mainly by Green pigs and a few other animals they keep as pets or in the local Zoo...in fact Zork is known by a few Aliens on nearby other planets as "The Green Planet" !!! 

"What you want ?" oinks Pinky getting straight to the point, "I was just about to make some fairy cakes".

"Oh fanks...make a dozen or...12 will do :) " Moonpig grins :D "Erm az u got any keys that will open this box ?" Points to box with trotters.

"Sorry I just sent them all to charity to help the poorer countries get a bore hole for clean water." Smirks Pinky feeling good about herself.

"O"

"But I have this knife...we could force the lid open...had you thought of doing that ?" Pinky fetches the knife, but Moonpig snatches it off Pinky...SNATCH ! 

I Have a Knife.....

Moonpig tuts and oinks, "U shudn't use knifes wiv-out a grown up super-vize-ing u...u cud cut urself...and yes I had fort of it (lies through teeth) but i didn't wont 2 spoil the box" :) 

Squeaky Scratchy sounds now...emanates, or comes forth or springs out if you like...from the efforts of...picture this...Moonpig is sticking his tongue out hard in concentration, box in one trotter, knife in the other furiously stabbing at and digging the knife into the underneath of the box lid and trying to prise it open.

"Be careful Moony"  squeals Pinky to Moony who is now BASHING the box with the knife!!!

"@!*~#" grunts Moonpig (we leave you to translate). The box won't shift...Won't open it's secrets to Moony. Disgustedly he throws the bent knife...(Pinky ducks)...onto the floor followed in quick succession by the box and scowls ^>@<^ < like that !

"Oh look Moony...the box has opened !" squeals a delighted Pinky, picking up the box.....2 b continued

X Marks The Spot ... Part 1 of 4

Part 1 of 4

"Hmm! I az soooo many seeds 2 plant and not enuf room so eet seems"...(surveys or studies the land & scratches Butt). Moonpig picks up a trotter-full of soil, examines it and sniffs it with his 2 good eyes & very delicate snout...

"Ahhhh! the earth smells good...this iz a fertile land & i will rule over all the land ear (wrong earth spelling of 'here' but may improve after going to night school...don't count on it !), & i will call it...'this land' or somat like that...erm, I noze," exclaims Moonpig..."I will get me tractor out the barn & plough another acre or 2 ... or 3... maybe." :)

So Moonpig opens the barn doors and after filling the tank with his 'special' fuel, (forage beet juice & a little of somat else) mounts his tractor, turns the key (yes he has a key to this mode of transport unlike his 3-wheeler called Pearl).

Splugggg! Spluggg! gggg ggg gggg...tractor springs into life, smoke billowing out.

This iz the life .....

Moony looks up to see the plume of...erm...smoke and oinks..."Must of made the mixture a bit strong !!!"

Not long after ploughing a few furrows...CLANG ! A metal box gets flung up into the air and hits Moonpig on the snout.

"Ouch", grunts a disgruntled pig or something similar but we can't print it here !!! "That piggin well hurt !!!" 

Moonpig examines the metal box, it has a hole for a key ! It's a bit rusty ! (well that figures !! ) Moonpig gives it a shake. A small muffled noise can be heard.

"Somat definitely in there," Brings box up to his right eye & then to his left eye...peers in keyhole as best as he can, ^o@<^... ^>@o^...like that :)

Moonpig runs to his farm house & searches through his selection of keys he keeps in a draw.

"Nope (tosses key, Clang!) nope (tosses key, Clang!), nope (tosses key, Clang!) not that 1 either." Goes through all of his keys...Tosses them ALL aside CLANG-CLATTER-CLANG !

Assortment of keys :)

(noise of keys hitting the floor)...Sighs ! Then he has a bright idea, "I'll go 2 Pinky's farmhouse & c if she az any spare keys...yup that's wot i'll do"...and off he trots......2 b continued

Diversify For Profit ! ... part 5 of 5

Part 5 of 5

Wizzhog grunts "I have a few things to attend to so carry on." And with that Wizzhog gets in his tractor,(actually it's a stolen JCB, Shhh! ) and goes off...Brummmm drummer drummer rumble rumble clank brummmer drummmer rumble...(noise of tractor moving away :) ) 
Pinky turns to Moonpig and oinks,"How we going to squeeze that into your car ?"
"Very carefully me finks." Moonpig scratches butt

carefully does eet!

"Cum on Pinky u hold that end & I'll hold this end ."...Grunty-oinky-grunty-oinky (noise of exersion)...as the two feed the Antique Bookcase into the back of Pearl...skrrratch sssscrrrrape Zzzzzeeeehk ! Zzzzzeeeehk ! (noise of antique getting squeezed into a to small-a-space)."Phew! that woz a hard squeeze !!! Letz get in Pearl if there iz room and deliver this b 4 any damage comes 2 eet" :)
But the Antique Bookcase is to unstable and looks like it  possibly could fall out of the back after all, so Moony tells Pinky  she has to climb into the back of the bookcase and sit in it to balance it. 
Clambering in, in an awkward and laborious way, with trotters slipping all over the erm...very expensive Wooden Antique Bookcase, Pinky looks fearful, scared stiff or panicky (maybe all three).
Moonpig connects the 2 wires dangling down from the dashboard like he was shown & Splutter splutter ! Bang Bang! (car springs in2 life. Moonpig puts his trotters 2 pedals & Zooooms away off like...a rocket.
Pinky holds on for dear life...as Moonpig seems unaware of ANY traffic rules & regulations..."Get out of the road." oinks Moony...shaking trotters and shouting jay-walker at 'em. Tyres screech EEEeeerrhh!(noise of er...screechy tyres)as Moony goes round island (MUCH 2 fast & the wrong way!!). The bookcase is now dragging on the road but doesn't cause much damage to the road :)
"Are we there yet" Squeals Pinky in a VERY high squealy voice.
"Nearly" Grunty oinks Moony.

Always read the Highway Code !

"Any one know a good driving instructor" squeals Pinky hoping Moony will take the hint...but just where to find one, one can only speculate or guess???
Moony overhears Pinky & oinks back,"A good driving instructor...yup, i know of 1 but he's in hospital at the moment after a nasty crash on his way to pick up a pupil !"
Arriving at the destination Moony and Pinky yank the priceless Wooden Antique Bookcase out the back of the 3 wheeler. BANG ! CRUNCH ! Skrrratch ! Sscrrrrape ! Zzzzzeeeehk ! Zzzzzeeeehk ! All the woodwork gets scratched (and the wood splinters) and anything delicate (like the fine work on the top of bookcase) got reduced to airfix kit form. 

Can't win 'em all Pinky...quick lets' leg eet'

Pinky get's worried and her chin begins to wobble! (a sure sign she will burst into tears).

Moonpig throws her a tissue or 2..."Better make a run 4 eet...dow worry we con say me car-like van got stolen & will still leave Wizzhog a bill & say we managed 2 save eet b-4 it got set on fire by...vandals. He's sure 2 b pleased." ... The End :)

Diversify For Profit ! ... part 4 of 5

Part 4 of 5

Ring ring...ring ring...The phone rings. Moonpig picks up the

Hello...helloooo !

phone...It's just after 7pm...a muffled voice is heard to some degree down the phone..."U'll have 2 repeat that...(muffled noises down phone)no i ay got a trifle in me ear...erm...err...okay, i'll get right on it."
Moonpig phones Pinky up and asks her to come over "Come over" he oinks urgently.
Pinky arrives at the double. "What you want."
"I needs a pair of x-tra trotters 2 'elp me wiv a little job...(mutters rashly, without careful consideration of the possible consequences what's needed)...r u game?"
"No i'm Pinky ?" Pinky strains to hear or understand with difficulty.

Whoooooosh!

"Tut! Never mind u az the great privilege, special right or advantage...all 3 maybe 2 'elp me at great cost az i will pay u 4 ur 'elp wiv....(mutters)" Moonpig drags Pinky off into Pearl*...the name he named his car, that is wedge or rocket shaped & has 3 wheels, so it can go faster. Less drag then a 4 wheeler car so he was told by the dealer who sold it him. But most important is...its a nice green color! Moonpig connects the 2 wires dangling down from the dashboard  like he was shown, & Splutter splutter ! Bang Bang! (car springs in 2 life). Moonpig pushes his trotters 2 pedals & Zooooms away...off like a..a...like a rocket...Whooooosh!
On arriving at Wizzhog's farmhouse, Wizzhog comes out to greet Moony. Wizzhog deals in antiques and needs a...out-of-the-way  place to store some...hot merchandise in or untill things have cooled down a little ;) (make what you will of that)
"U az a job 4 me Wizzhog" Is all Moony oinks as phone call was not quite clear ! Wizzhog is a huge pig with tattoos over various piggy parts :) He always wears a cap...a sign of great responsibility. No animal farm rules about that as it is part of ...the uniform.  

"Seems Wizzhog iz unlucky in love. U con tell by the heart and number 13 tattoo." oinky whispers Moonpig to Pinky who couldn't care less and was looking at the pretty flowers and smiling inside herself like the Mona Lisa  :)

Wizzhog grunts,"I sure have. Load up this piece of antique furniture and take it to my new lockup barn :) But be careful...it's VERY expensive.  A rare piece and as you can imagine...a desirable collectors item over 100 years old."

No probs...av van will travel...safe wiv me sir

"Rite away Wizzhog sir, never fear Wizzhog sir, I will treat eet wiv the utmost respect sir." grunts Moonpig "I'll open up the back of me car-like van and eezzz eet in real jen-till like." :) :)
"Be sure that you do It's irreplaceable and I'm counting on you to do a good job !!!" Grunty oinked Wizzhog trotting over a piece of paper with the address he wants the Antique Bookcase to be delivered to.

"Sir yes sir!" oinks Pinky feeling a need to confirm that the antique bookcase will be in safer than safe trotters. (So who are we kidding ? :) ) ............2 b continued

* See 'ramblingsofmoonpig' ... Moonpig Gets His Wheels'... a story in 5 parts starting from 31/05 2013

Diversify For Profit ! ... part 3 of 5

Part 3 of 5
Pinky and Moonpig is in Mootown at the advertizing post.

Fink this shud do eet!

Moonpig is pasting his poster that reads something like this...'I con do really rubbish removals...Pig With A Van available at 7pm...no job 2 small...call 4 Moonpig.'
The phone number is scrawled on below in best pig-trotter-scrawl.
"Why after 7pm ?" enquires Pinky with a grunt.
"Well i az 2 milk the cows & goats, feed the hens & lock 'em in the hen house...blah blah blah...."
"Okay I get the picture !" oinks Pinky.
"No stay where u r we don't need a picture...these words will do", Moony smilingly taps the poster with trotters which starts to slide out of place...a little out of askew.
Pinky leans first to one side...then to the other watching Moony glue the poster...time and time again.
"O blow!" oinks Moony. 
Pinky blows into the air near the poster :)
Moonpig grumbles, "Iz still tilted 2 1 side, in a crooked position." Moonpig leans first to one side...then to the other. "I az tried straightening out the poster 3 times, but it still looks askew. O blow!" 

Very little 'puff of air' can be seen above Pinky's head !

Pinky blows again into the air near the poster :) Moonpig scowls at Pinky ^>@<^ like that.
There is another poster on the post that catches Moonpig's eye. "Ouch!" 
It reads,'New KFC opening in Mootown, currently recruiting up to 50 Team Members, Full and Part Time. If interested call: 056460512736973526' The add also says 'if you know of any stray cats, please bring them along.' 
"Do they have a vermin problem already ?" oinks Pinky.
"Letz hope they ay gona cook 'em." snorted Moony with a disgusted snort, " Am glad I'm a vegetarian (well almost :) )

"Better make sure Kat doesn't get cat-napped" oinky moaned Pinky thinking of Moonys pet cat, with a quiver of her chin! ....2 b continued

Diversify For Proft ! ...part 2 of 5

Part 2 of 5

"Hi Moony" oinks Pinky in a much to cheerful oink!

"Humpff ! Wot u got 2 look sew cheerful 'bout ? Lost a pd & found 2 pd ?"

"No, i just sold all my produce to a buyer & now i have the whole day free." :D (smiles broadly)

"Humpff ! Iz all rite 4 sum. I'm 'aving a bad day...farmies want all 4 nuffin !"

"But that's stealing isn't it ?" Pinky scratches her head

Just a common erm...oinking eh!

"Tut ! Juz a oinking common on Earth aint eet ?" grunts Moony.

"What you need is to diversify...increase in size what you sell, become larger, become more diverse or varied." oinked Pinky with a GRIN :D...copying Moonpig with at least 3 explanations of a word !!!

"And u con put that back in ur skin-pocket" grunts Moony pointing to a GRIN " I never liked 'em"

Pinky obliges and puts the GRIN back in her skin-pocket after wiping it off her face :)

"I read on a poster in Mootown", continues Pinky, "that a pig named Wizzhog needs help to move stuff to a bigger place".

Wot skills con i list???

"Hmmm! I cud put a poster up and advertize my erm...errr...speciality u noze...that iz, a pursuit, area of study, or skill 2 which sum 1 az devoted much time and effort and in which they r  x-pert" grunts Moony getting animated !

Pinky ducks down keeping out of the way of 'flying trotters'.

"So what is your speciality because I've never heard of it ???" oinks Pinky as she picks her snouty snout with trotter and sticks sticky substance in mouth.

Preferring to ignore the last part of Pinkys comment Moonpig oinks, "Well i az lots of emm...err...speciality's."

"Like what for instance" presses Pinky...still picking snouty snout but flicking substance in the air.

"Well like...erm...err...well lots of fings...(mumbles a few things that he x-cels at...which doesn't take long)...and me pièce de résistance iz driving a van heavily laden thru the streets like...ermm...the billow. Thaz erm...very fast !!!"

"As like a mad pig." suggests Pinky ducking out of the way of Moonpig's trotters again....2 b continued

Diversify For Profit ! ... part 1 of 5

Part 1 of 5

Piggin' el, we pigs juz love farmin'. Back home on planet Zork we work from the dawnin' till the duskin'...such az eet iz on Zork az the skies r different 2 them on Earth...where i find meself...Oh deary me (sniffle sniff...as Moonpig reminisces of home). Sum of uz work az government officials, policepigstables or teachers but the brainiest work az...farmers.

This iz all good x-perience...the farming bit i meanz az i follow in me papa's trotter steps on that score !!

Sooo...now on Earth where i find myself i farm all day & the 'farmies' (those who cum 2 uz silly name 4 them az we pigs r the real farmers!) well they cum 2 buy our produce and want

Say hello 2 the farmies :)

eet all 4 az little az they con get eet. Ear they cum, waving hands encased in oversized yellow gloves or i cud b wrong that might be another place on social media :) Eet sure iz a struggle. The pittance paid 2 uz 4 the products that iz...(sigh). Sum of uz happy farmers try out juz aving 3-range hens 2 get 3-range neggs, (erm...neggs iz wot we call eggs on Zork ! )2 earn more pd. Pd is the money we use on Myfreefarm if u remember ? Trouble iz will farmies want 2 go 2 sum 1 wiv just hens on their farm ??? I mean, the noize, the stink the erm...err...manure fink u call eet...that all those hens corz :(  3 pegs 4 nozes cums 2 me mind :) I'll advize him to...diversify 2 :)

I rites a sign oinking...not saying, az we pigs wud rather oink, grunt and squeal ! 'Best Wool in the district' !!! I claim eets

Best wool...say no more :)

hypo allergetic, non toxic, dye free & az a beautiful smell of natural lanolin...(lucky we dow av 2 worry about toxins and pollution getting in 2 the river that flows thru the bottom of our farms here & in Mootown village...yet!) In-fact me farming neighbor az used me wool 2 keep the 3- range hens warm !!!

1 farmie only ad the nerve 2 ask me if i cud x-tend me garden range. Well i az scarecrows 4 sale and a few spare frog ponds going 'croak'. Sooo...i grunts back that i b-lieve i az sum additional X-tendable hosepipe. (that should x-tend the range a little !) much 2 the alarm and disgust of the farmies...Ah, there they go walking orf in a huff ! 

Wot more u want u rotten lot ? Oh, hi Pinky :)

They shout back 'up yours' whatever that means ???

Grief !!! Here cums Pinky skipping up 2 me farm (managed 2 get the rite spelling of 'here' 4 a change sign of going 2 nite skool but cud slip back anytime).....2 b continued