Invite and The Battle

(1)Invite...Step in2 me spaceship, there's ur seat...eets only 2 or 3 seater wiv a squeeze, but plenty of room eh! Looks deceptive from outside. K b 4 we take orf we fuel up at Middle Earth wiv plenty of oxygen mixed wiv a healthy dollap of Argon. Check the rear & upside down mirrors & put me synapses in2 gear. Me mass of cell connections iz all in working order, sooo using me prefrontal cortex, had a deep fink az 2 where we wud b going (billions of neurons stretched & relaxed). Fink we go & explore a Nebula. Juz set me Space Sat Nav... k, we go look at strange b-havior of distant star (SN199sk) thats eetz name. Argh! Watch out 4 that Superdupernova...az been known 2 pull spaceships in 2 eetz orbit....never 2 b seen again....u shaking me friend...caux i am...WATCH OUT!!! ARrrrgggh!..get orf me lap...fink u av 2 turn right here...or iz eet left...No its rite...but i cud b wrong...Sat Nav az been disrupted by an alien probe beam....av 2 fly blind. Wheres that star we supposed 2 investigate?...Oh no! eets...eets....eets...BOOM!!!..juz x-plode-ded!...and we r b-ing followed by Klingon vessel!!..

UFO ?

(2)The Battle...remember when u c this  #(hash) means am singing sooo # Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow, starboard bow, theres Klingons on the starboard bow, starboard bow. Hey-yelp ! Zap!Zap! (noise of Klingons battle guns)
Tell u wot, lez put our Light Wave Reverser Recycler in 2 a deep dive & reverse thrusters 2 the power of 10, then split the atomiser & chuck eet out of the airlock on 2 'em wen we go past, lez hope their cloaking device doe get past our Polychromatic Potato Peeler.
Zrhzrhzrh!Shish!Shish!splug!...our Atomiser az ripped Klingons Membrume Virile ;) & electic sparks fly & pass thru a prism turning their ship in 2 organic soup (green of course).
The Klingons on that ship will die of a loathsome intestinal disease. Doe worry, we con go 2 warp 9 & still get home 4 T...thaz after we fix & fine tune our microbial 02 production, using light energy from high energy particle engines....then we only have 2 modify the Electromagnetic Vibrator (snigger)...ok...that done, now eets onward & upward & in2 infertility ;) or somat like that !
Hold on tight...oh yeah!! Great eh!.Now head 4 Middle Earth, adopted home, since i cant return 2 planet Zork till i av located source of new modified fuel.